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Question
Posted by: Thabisile | 2010-11-11

Put yourself in my shoes

Tomorrow is my husbands birthday, but guess what, I dont know what to do.

Whenever one has a birthday we buy cakes, but I was amazed when he did not buy for me but only bought a card. I did not say anything.

That was in September and last Monday it was his daughter's birthday (from another marriage) guess what, he took her out, bought her clothes and gave her R2500, and tomorrow it's his birthday.

What must I do? Must I buy him the same thing he bought me, a card, and keep quiet?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have you noticed how very often variations on this theme turn up in the forum - of a husband whose attention to his child from a previous relationship causes concern to his present wife ?

R2500 plus clothes and outing sounds awfully over-the-top for a daughter's birthday gift, but maybe I'm just too old and poor to have kept up with such trends...

You could of course just buy him a card, or you could calmly and gently discuss the broader issue with him, about wanting an agreement as to what you expect from each other for birthday celebrations.

Negotiate at least an understanding of each other's priorities and wishes - with the aid of a marriage counsellor if necessary.

And for this particular birthday, why not just ask him what he wants ? You can say you noticed he didn't get a cake for your birthday, and so you wonder if he's gone off cakes, or maybe he would like one this time round ?

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: Jomo | 2010-11-11

Blood is thicker than water!

Reply to Jomo
Posted by: jelly | 2010-11-11

Only a card, if your marraige is introuble. Who strated it, your husband.Did you talk to him about the gifts he gave his children. I would, if it was me.

Reply to jelly
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-11-11

Get him a card! Then you can talk about it later.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Maria | 2010-11-11

I agree with Liza, your marriage is in trouble and you need to seek help and sort it out. As for this particular birthday, why don''t you just ask him if he would like a cake or not?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Liza | 2010-11-11

Tit for tat? Not a very good idea....

You want revenge on your partner for only giving you a card on your birthday? When partners start to take revenge on each other it''s definitely time for couples counseling! Things that might be high on your priority list could be very low on your partners'' list (or not on his list at all!) - both of you need to ensure that your priorities are the same. These are issues that are worked out best with a therapist to help with an objective viewpoint.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-11

Have you noticed how very often variations on this theme turn up in the forum - of a husband whose attention to his child from a previous relationship causes concern to his present wife ?

R2500 plus clothes and outing sounds awfully over-the-top for a daughter's birthday gift, but maybe I'm just too old and poor to have kept up with such trends...

You could of course just buy him a card, or you could calmly and gently discuss the broader issue with him, about wanting an agreement as to what you expect from each other for birthday celebrations.

Negotiate at least an understanding of each other's priorities and wishes - with the aid of a marriage counsellor if necessary.

And for this particular birthday, why not just ask him what he wants ? You can say you noticed he didn't get a cake for your birthday, and so you wonder if he's gone off cakes, or maybe he would like one this time round ?

Reply to cybershrink

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