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Question
Posted by: Laila | 2011/03/02

Pushing People Away

HI All,

Here goes and i need some serious help or motivation because if this does not happen soon i am going to live a very dull lonely life. I am a white female age 30 and i have a good job going for me and have everything that i need. I look after my two elderly parents and they live with me. However i have been through depression and dealt with it and i have come off the depression pills very well although i feel i am going crazy sometimes. However i did self mutilate and didn''t do it in 60 days but on Tuesday night i did cut again. It somehow gave me a sense of relief and stability and feeling the pain is gone. However i don''t have a life. If a guy shows interest in me i can chat to him forever on the phone and on sms but the minute he shows interest then i go in to flight or fight mode and i look for something so that i can have a fight so that i don''t have to meet him. Some times i instigate it and i say i am not in sex or things like so that i can push him away so that i don''t have to meet. However i was brought up in a very staunch house and sex is a bad thing. So if a guy as much as mentions sex i get cross and well then say i am not interested i block his calls email and delete him from BBM. The same thing happened this morning with a guy friend he phoned asked me if i was a morning person i said no not really he said he is and he can think of many things to keep me occupied in the morning. I cut the call smsed him and said to him i do''n''t appreciate it and whoops the friendship ended. He must think i am weird but i can''t go back and repair it.... I can''t and i won''t. I know sex and making love is not a bad thing but in my family it is... Unfortunately i am not allowed to bring friends home because if i do my mother sits chatting the whole night and my father will sit there to so there is no privacy also they don''t like me dating indian or colored guys as we are greek so its wrong according to them. If i talk on my cellphone i get listened to. I can''t stand it anymore. If a guy asks me to take me on a weekend away i feel am betreying my family and how can i leave them alone. Although something cracked in me today and i realised that i have to start living my life. But how do i not get pissed off with a guy so easily. How can i go out with somebody but not be able to take them to my house??????? Am i maybe scared of sex or something because maybe i was hurt when i was small or as a teenager or could it have been because of a very hurtful break up i had. I would love all the feedback and help i can get..

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whatever else may or may not happen, why on earth decide you could be doomed to a "very dull lonely life" ? You would have to work so very hard to ensure that this gloomy prediction came true.
But you seem to be describing a perfect basis for successful counselling / psychotherapy.
It sounds as though part of the problem may be a twisted upbringing which convinced you that sex was bad so that as soon as a guy shows any real interest in being with you, even non-sexually, you feel compelled to take avoidant action to chase him away.
Cognitive-behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) is well desiogned to explore and revise such negative and inaccurate habits of thought and behaviour. You do NOT have to adopt and stick to the warped ideas your parents instilled in you - do you perhaps feel that as they live with you, you cannot change the habits they tried to trap you in ?
You seem to have reached an important insight, realizing that this is a fruitless set of habits and needs to change, and that doing so would enable you to lead a far more fulfilling life. See a good local psuychologist offering CBT and start changing your life for the better

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Rojathat? | 2011/03/02

Maybe you just need to move away from your parents you not young anymore you need to make your own choices and mistakes, you can still take care of them without living with them.

Reply to Rojathat?
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/02

Whatever else may or may not happen, why on earth decide you could be doomed to a "very dull lonely life" ? You would have to work so very hard to ensure that this gloomy prediction came true.
But you seem to be describing a perfect basis for successful counselling / psychotherapy.
It sounds as though part of the problem may be a twisted upbringing which convinced you that sex was bad so that as soon as a guy shows any real interest in being with you, even non-sexually, you feel compelled to take avoidant action to chase him away.
Cognitive-behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) is well desiogned to explore and revise such negative and inaccurate habits of thought and behaviour. You do NOT have to adopt and stick to the warped ideas your parents instilled in you - do you perhaps feel that as they live with you, you cannot change the habits they tried to trap you in ?
You seem to have reached an important insight, realizing that this is a fruitless set of habits and needs to change, and that doing so would enable you to lead a far more fulfilling life. See a good local psuychologist offering CBT and start changing your life for the better

Reply to cybershrink

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