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Question
Posted by: Louise | 2010/04/04

Psychotherapy - feelings

I have been in psychotherapy for 2 years with a male therapist approx the same age. He knows that I have feelings for him although I have not openly admitted as much. Lately he has been going rather red in the face and I have experienced a very intimate atmosphere in the room. I have asked him about his feelings but he has said that he cannot reveal his vulnerability as it may unduly burden the client/patient. He says that instead he has to understand his feelings and use them to therapy''s advantage. I jokingly asked him whether I posed any sort of threat to him and he said that I posed an " indirect threat" . I was quite hurt and asked him what he meant, he explained that it was not my feelings that posed the threat. I asked him to clarify and he has said that he cannot be more explicit than this.

What is he talking about??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, using properly research validated modern psychotherapy methods, pychotherapy usually does not need to last for 2 years, these days, unless unproved and obsolete psychoanalytic methods are being used.
HE doesn't sound very experienced or skilled, if the situation is as you describe, and he imagines that by pretending that nothing is happening, you can both usefully just ignore this.
It sounds as though he has personal problems which are interfering in his attempts to be useful to you, and as though he is maybe not sufficiently skilled to deal with situations like this.
You should very seriously consider ending this therapy that has lasted so very long and lead to such an emoptional empasse, and consider seeing instead a modern CBT oriented therapist, which may be able to help you clear up any real problems you have, within months

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Our users say:
Posted by: Louise | 2010/04/05

We are doing depth therapy. Are you saying he has feelings for me - are these the feelings that would burden me? Are they required to refer you if this is the case? Can one not work with these feelings in the room?

I guess what I am saying is that I have grown very attached to him and want to trust him.

Reply to Louise
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/05

Firstly, using properly research validated modern psychotherapy methods, pychotherapy usually does not need to last for 2 years, these days, unless unproved and obsolete psychoanalytic methods are being used.
HE doesn't sound very experienced or skilled, if the situation is as you describe, and he imagines that by pretending that nothing is happening, you can both usefully just ignore this.
It sounds as though he has personal problems which are interfering in his attempts to be useful to you, and as though he is maybe not sufficiently skilled to deal with situations like this.
You should very seriously consider ending this therapy that has lasted so very long and lead to such an emoptional empasse, and consider seeing instead a modern CBT oriented therapist, which may be able to help you clear up any real problems you have, within months

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Louise | 2010/04/04

Identified whose feelings? Does he have to refer me because I have feelings? Cybershrink?

Reply to Louise
Posted by: Lin | 2010/04/04

Change therapists asap. This isn''t a healthy environment for therapy for you. Your therapist should have referred you to another therapist as soon as he identified these feelings (supposedly in both of you).

Reply to Lin

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