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Question
Posted by: ripper | 2008/12/04

psycho problem with getting aroused

Hello cybershrink

I am a 51 year old white male.

I had a relationship with a girl that proved to be a turning point in my sexual life – (more psychological) and not for the better I might add. I went into the relationship with my head and not my heart. She has a rather abrasive and foul mouth (swears continually). I found this very offputting –  but never the less persisted with the relationship thinking that I would eventually get used to her mannerisms.

Unfortunately she said some things that actually hurt me at a emotional level. Strangely –  at some point during our relationship , it was if a switch in my head had been opened circuited –  I just couldn’ t get aroused by her at any level, no matter what .

Prior to this happening to me I would always get turned on when kissing and would always get a erection.

I have just recently started seeing a new girl and to my dismay, I found that I wasn’ t getting a erection and didn’ t really feel that turned on.

I do not have erectile dysfunction. I am quite capable of getting erections that are in no way inferior to erections during my 20’ s.

I now realise that I have I psychological problem that I am unable to reverse. Unfortunately I am unable to afford therapist at the moment. However, I really would like to undo some serious negative self talk/or whatever.
thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder how ( especially if you say you were using your head ) you chose to enter a relationship with a foul-mouthed woman who sounds most unattractive --- was it entirely in the hope of enjoying the sex ? Or do you at some level like someone being unpleasant to you ? Then finding her directly personalyl hurtful, its entirely normal that you stopped being aroused by her and stopped getting an erection. Unless one has a strong masochistic streak and actively sexually enjoys being misused, that would end anyone's capacity for being aroused by that person. Now in the newer relationship, you may be experiencing a degree of carry-over of negative expectations from the previous and nasty relationship.
CBT would help --- check if you can find, through library or book-shop ( especally online ) some relevant self-help CBT oriented books.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ripper | 2008/12/05

Thank you for the answer. Much appreciated. Yes you are correct –  I was hoping to enjoy the sex (after all, boys will be boys and girls want the same things as boys). As for the other stuff – my answer is a emphatic no.

Cybershrink wrote “ Now in the newer relationship, you may be experiencing a degree of carry-over of negative expectations from the previous and nasty relationship’ . This makes perfect sense to me. The real problem that I’ m facing now is to overcome this mental hangover.

I didn’ t have the emotional energy at the time to look for someone else. I don’ t know about other men but getting to know a woman is hard work. Therefore, the route of least resistance is always the favoured route ( for most humans and animals).

Thanks Cybershrink

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