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Question
Posted by: Ali | 2010/03/23

protecting my child

Hi Doc

I was wondering if you could please give me advice. My father is a very difficult man. I don''t think my father every learned how to work with children. He is always shouting at them and is very authoritarian. That is exactly how he was with my sister and I. My daughter is a very sensitive little girl and it upsets her very much if my father raises his voice at her. I want to help my daughter (3) to learn how protect herself agains verbal abuse. I don''t think my father will ever change. That''s just his way. Could you recommend a book that I could read? I really look forward to your reply!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people just really don't have the ability to relate comfortably to children - they may have the kindest of intentions, but can't manage it. Can you indeed limit the time she is exposed to him ? You're probably right that he won't change ( and probably won't see why he should ) but maybe explain to him calmly that his manner upsets your child and yourself. And discuss it with her, that this is how he is, and how he was with you and your sister, and that though he isn't likely to change, she doesn't have to be upset by it, and should try more to view him as a dog that barks but doesn't bite.
I haven't come across a useful book on this topic - maybe other readers have ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ali | 2010/03/23

Thank you for your response. They don''t see each other often, as we live if separate towns. Maybe once or twice a month. It is just upsetting. I suppose I should be used to my father''s behaviour by now, but seeing him upset my daughter isn''t easy! He shouldn''t have the power over all of us, to upset us by his behaviour, but he does. Any way, thanks again.

Reply to Ali
Posted by: Maria | 2010/03/23

Can you limit the time your daughter spends in the company of your father?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/23

Some people just really don't have the ability to relate comfortably to children - they may have the kindest of intentions, but can't manage it. Can you indeed limit the time she is exposed to him ? You're probably right that he won't change ( and probably won't see why he should ) but maybe explain to him calmly that his manner upsets your child and yourself. And discuss it with her, that this is how he is, and how he was with you and your sister, and that though he isn't likely to change, she doesn't have to be upset by it, and should try more to view him as a dog that barks but doesn't bite.
I haven't come across a useful book on this topic - maybe other readers have ?

Reply to cybershrink

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