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Question
Posted by: Downhill | 2011/03/29

Progress since leaving marital home

It''s been a week since I moved out of my marital home and moved back to my parents house. The most heartbreaking point of all these days was on Sunday night when, as I tugged him in to sleep, my little boy said " I really wish I was at home with daddy. Don''t you miss him?" . I''d never discussed what was going on with him and was taken aback that he could read that something was definitely not okay. My husband and I haven''t communicated since an sms last Thursday. My sister in law tells me he told her a different story - that I am not the person he thought I was - I use muti, etc. and when I said I wanted to leave the marriage, he simply agreed with me. Not a true version of events, seems he was too ashamed to tell them that he hit me and literally booted me out.
I''ve been on a confusing emotional journey in the past few days - one minute I''m sad for us being apart and even more sad that the kids are without their father, the next moment I feel empowered and thankful that I didn''t eventually stay for long after the hitting incident, the next I feel that I will be okay, the kids will be ok, we''re better off without an egotistic and proud father, then I feel sad for him knowing that he will deifnitely struggle without my financial backing. One minute I start actively looking for a place to rent, then I think maybe not just yet. It''s just so confusing and I hate that I feel not ready to make rational decisions just yet.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Never asume that the kids are not listening, watching, and wondering what's going on - never undertake a separation, or any such manoeuvre without discussing it in advance with the children ( among many other good reasons, there's a real risk they may blame themselves for w3hat's happening ).
Maybe h has been giving others a false version of what happened - but maybe it's a true and accurate version of how it has seemed to him, to an extent worth thinking about.
This may be an excessive giving up on a marriage if after a single incidence of violence, you fail to use mediation and marriage counselling, to see what can be understood and worked out.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Survivor | 2011/03/29

I''ve been following Downhill''s posts and I agree with UR Wrong. I gather that you did not follow the rest of Downhil''''s story, hence you comment lacking the other details that she''s been providing. She didn''t say in her post that she has " doubts"  as you put it. She was beaten up, hospitalised, no apology and worse, kicked out of the house by a man who didn''t want to talk, aplogise, consider counselling or was keen to participate when Downhill sought the itnervention of a thrid party, after not being able to get through to him. Getting no breakthrough, she then she moved to her parents'' place immediately after dear husband kicked her out. At this point, she is sharing how it feels which is normal when a marriage is shook up unexpectedly. For goodness sake she had a life with this man and was planning a future with him and the kids, it''s a normal grieving process for her mind to go through what it''s going through.

Reply to Survivor
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/29

Sorry I did not follow her story.
Did he just up and hit her out of the blue for no reason at all?
Maybe he came home drunk grabbed her and just beat her because he could?
Was there another side to the story ? Can you remember perhaps?
I find it odd that a woman that was beaten up badly in front of her kids for no reason at all will have dounbts about moving on....
She should have had an interdict against him already, the divorce proceddings should have been in motion etc etc etc.
Don''t judge too harshly UR Wrong....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: UR Wrong | 2011/03/29

Romany
This woman was hospitalized when her husband hit her. You and CS are wrong to say she left to soon as it was ONLY A SINGLE INCIDENT!
Hell if shed stuck around he could have killed her in front of the kids!!!!!!!

Reply to UR Wrong
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/29

I maintain that people are too quick to leave their spouses.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/29

Never asume that the kids are not listening, watching, and wondering what's going on - never undertake a separation, or any such manoeuvre without discussing it in advance with the children ( among many other good reasons, there's a real risk they may blame themselves for w3hat's happening ).
Maybe h has been giving others a false version of what happened - but maybe it's a true and accurate version of how it has seemed to him, to an extent worth thinking about.
This may be an excessive giving up on a marriage if after a single incidence of violence, you fail to use mediation and marriage counselling, to see what can be understood and worked out.

Reply to cybershrink

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