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Question
Posted by: QueenSy | 2011-06-23

Professional player?

He lived with a woman for 3 years, decided to move back to Gauteng and we started dating. He introduced me to his kids and his mom and siblings. I asked him about a picture in his lounge and he told me that it was of him and a cousin (female). I found out later that it was his supposedly " ex"  girlfriend. His ex girlfriend came to visit before we started dating and she left a lot of her stuff behind. When I asked him about it, he joked and said that she left it so that she could come back. She is a nurse in another province, he a doctor. He was quite crazy about me, bought furniture for my place as I just started out after a painful divorce which left me in a bad space. He was attentive and kind and happy to see me whenever I visited. I then started feeling that I was doing all the running, but he did not see it that way. Then the sms''s and mysterious calls started. He maintained that people were calling and sms''ing him to ask for favours. He went to the province of his ex gf after we had a fight and I found out that they stayed together for the weekend. He denied this. I saw another nurse on fb calling herself by his surname. He said that she was crazy and laughed it off. I saw another person announcing that his son finally met his family (assuming that he fathered him before he got married). The list just goes on and on. He sees it as being courteous to people to reply to their flirtings. He told me that he invited another female doctor to visit him since I walked out on him and I am too complicated and she is much simpler. How is it that one could be so emotionally immature? Is it normal? He is already in his mid 40''s and a highly respected expert in the medical field. How is it that he gets away with playing so many women at the same time? Should the other women know about his indiscretions?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely you know what to do. This guy is obviously a playa, and selfishly thinking only of his own fun and not of your feelings. He's attentive when it suits him. He may be in his 40's by the calendar, but you're describing an adoelscent in his behavior. He may be respected in his medical expertise, but not in emotional maturity or in the ability to settle and have an adult relationship with one person. The writing on the wall is surely extremely clear ?

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Laurei | 2011-06-24

For a doctor, he seems incredibly foolish and immature! Men who behave this way usually have very low self esteem, dont make solid decisions and are swayed any which way. Usually, when women are swooning over them, they feel important and good about themselves. Surely, this is not someone youj want make a life with? It would be sheer torture for you!

Reply to Laurei
Posted by: QueenSy | 2011-06-23

Thank you. It is just that I doubted myself and thought that that is the way relationships go since I have been out of the dating game for so many years! I feel like a real tit since I did so much to try and convince him that I was genuinely in love with him. In the meanwhile it was all just a game to him. I am so despondent  are there really any guys out there with good intentions and which planet do they habitate? Anyway, what goes around surely comes around?

Reply to QueenSy
Posted by: Hmmm! | 2011-06-23

You are: " How is it that he gets away with playing so many women at the same time?" 

The answer: Because you allow it

Walk away and save your dignity. Best of Luck.

Reply to Hmmm!
Posted by: Lee | 2011-06-23

Never mind the other woman. You know. Now walk away. Don''t worry about revenge worry about your dignity.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-23

Surely you know what to do. This guy is obviously a playa, and selfishly thinking only of his own fun and not of your feelings. He's attentive when it suits him. He may be in his 40's by the calendar, but you're describing an adoelscent in his behavior. He may be respected in his medical expertise, but not in emotional maturity or in the ability to settle and have an adult relationship with one person. The writing on the wall is surely extremely clear ?

Reply to cybershrink

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