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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-24

Problems with step-children

I am married to a man with 2children, boy - 17, girl - 13. Boys mother died when he was baby, girls mother living in same city as us. I cannot have children. The children do not accept me, we fight every night, both children is living with us. They do all types of things, than they say that they do it to get more attention etc from us, but when we are home, they are in their rooms, mxiting or listening to music. Everytime that I fight with them, they go behind my back, and tell their dad, he comes and talks to me, as if I' m the child. We ( my husband and I ) fight constantly, he doesn' t want to see or acknowledge what they do wrong, he just points out all the mistakes that I make. What must I do? I am so tired of fighting, I am considering moving out and getting a divorce. My husband and I have been together for almost 7years, married almost 1year. He and his ex-wife had been divorced for almost 3years before I met him. She doesn' t want to look after her child, I have to do it, all alone. I think I am depressed as well. I am angry as well, the smallest thing makes me explode. Feels like I can just run away...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You need to discuss this in deail with your husband, and, as he is their father, he is responsible for working this problem out, with your assistance. The pair of you must have a code of conduct and reasonable expectations and both speak with the same voice to the kids, so there's no point in them going behind anyone's back. They are probably just expertly exploiting the conflict that apparently exists between you and your husband, so mariage counselling would also be a really good idea. And consider whether, iof you are significantly depressed, seeing a shrink just for yourself would also be useful

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