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Question
Posted by: SR | 2011-10-21

Problems with 11yr old

My sons teacher reflected on my sons report last term as his behaviour being " unaccepteable" . I then tried to get an appointment 2 discuss, but the teacher is not available until middle Nov, due to him writing exams. Teacher called me yesterday to discuss my sons behaviour, he then told me that he asked the children in his class if they have problems with my son, some of the complaints were, he is short tempered,very sensitive, bullies, irritates the girls, swears, scratches in the childrens bags, screams like a girl, give the children nasty looks, borrowed money from one of the kids. I appreciated the call from the teacher and also agreed that speaking to the other children was necessary. When I got home I took my child to our GP for a referral to a psychologists. Got back home and questioned my son, I then found out that while my son was in the class, his teacher went around to each child asking them if they have complaints against my son, I was shocked, I assumed that the teacher wud have done this discreetly by speaking to each child separately, not confronting all the children simultaneously and that to in from of my child. I am absolutely furious, coz I feel he humiliated/embarrased my child in front of his classmates, furthmore my son could feel rejected, he could alienate himself from everyone thinking that everyone is against him.This could also allow the kids to make a mockery of him, bully him etc. I feel that anything that he does or say, will result in the kids running to the teacher and complaining. When one of the kids accussed him of stealing, my son told his teacher that he did not steal, but apparently he went ahead and made a note of it. I am going to take my son to a psychologist. But I would really like some advice from u, I am absolutely devastated about this and feel that the teacher could have been a bit more subtle in handling this situation. Any advice from u will be appreciated.

PS. I am aware that my son is sensitve and have also picked up that he is developing a temper, he does not like when I scold him if he does something wrong.
Thanks
SR

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageBehaviour modification

Hi SR
I am furious on your behalf. This teacher should have acted more professionally ad it certainly sounds like he has a personal score to settle. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do to change the past, but try to see the lesson in what has happened. firstly you need to equip your child with the resources to cope with the situation. taking him to a psychologist is mandatory and urgent. Don't treat your son like a child. Speak to him as an adult and try get him to see that the outcome although not his fault, was in part a result of his actions. It is also a good idea for you to try and understand why he behaves as he does. this kind of behavior is largely attention seeking. He wants to be notices, acknowledged and heard. How much quality time do you spend with your son and how much time do you take to listen to him and take an interest in his daily activities? This is so crucially important. If he feels you are on his side it will be much easier - but at the same time make sure you are not condoning his unacceptable behavior.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Behaviour modification | 2011-10-26

Hi SR
I am furious on your behalf. This teacher should have acted more professionally ad it certainly sounds like he has a personal score to settle. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do to change the past, but try to see the lesson in what has happened. firstly you need to equip your child with the resources to cope with the situation. taking him to a psychologist is mandatory and urgent. Don't treat your son like a child. Speak to him as an adult and try get him to see that the outcome although not his fault, was in part a result of his actions. It is also a good idea for you to try and understand why he behaves as he does. this kind of behavior is largely attention seeking. He wants to be notices, acknowledged and heard. How much quality time do you spend with your son and how much time do you take to listen to him and take an interest in his daily activities? This is so crucially important. If he feels you are on his side it will be much easier - but at the same time make sure you are not condoning his unacceptable behavior.

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