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Question
Posted by: LT | 2010-11-01

Problem of giving ove and affectionat back after beeing chated

After I found out about my husband physical affair after a 34 years marriageI was so hurt and shocked,I can not open and give him the emotional affectionate back when having sex.

I never deny sex to him I am just a mummy lying there with the thught in my head he did this to the other woman, example putting my arms around him, kissing him. I am a very conservitave lady regards vowes and commitment in a marriage and to me it was a h.. of a shock,during the day I do give him hugs and kisses and sit on his lap and all those things except when love making comes, I just close up how do I over come this

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

please consult a professional for therapy. the pain and hurt you feel needs to be first addressed on personal and relationship levels before it can be discussed on a sexual / sex therapy level.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: BANG | 2010-11-01

wow muhammad! wish we could find nice women like that on this side of the world! its nearly impossible to manage buddy!

Reply to BANG
Posted by: Muhammad | 2010-11-01

it strange to read how western world is? I am from pakistan. In india, pakistan 90 % women are loyal and faithful and guys are faithful only after marriage but girls are very modest. divorces are rarely heard off, women will not sniff out even their husbands are earning their living in other countries or even though they become widow, they concentrate on raising children only

Reply to Muhammad
Posted by: BANg | 2010-11-01

Thank you so much for that response Linda! what you saying is so true! main thing i dont understand is the fact that there is no self respect anymore! ive been brought up to get married before sex yet i know i have not kept with that! i slept with 2 girls during my lifetime and im ashamed to even say that! i will do as you say Linda! but do you think that she will really just come my way without looking for her! i mean as a guy we are the hunters afterall! thank you very much for your info! i will do so! we might not run into each other again but whenever you want to chat heres my email address (wbester at wb . gmail . com)

Reply to BANg
Posted by: Linda | 2010-11-01

Hey how familiar that sounds. My daughter (28)is just like me.
thank the Lord she got the right guy ( married 1 month now) My son 32 has had the same problems,woman that will stick to their husbands,be loyal, and work together is hard to get, you know the Bible says 2 people become 1, another fersion 2 private lifes become 1 private life, no secrets no nothing, that is hard to get. I have seen with my son,the girls go faster then they came, as their commitments are not in the right place, You must remeber you are 23 all the girls at your age are almost 90% still immature.You have to stay calm, keep on working,stay on the right path,and some where at the age of 28 to 30 the girls at that stage are more tending to settle down and get serious.Life now is difficult, the world has changed so much the morality standard is down to Zero. So you must just hang on, do not worry about getting married and please do not go and look for the right girl. The right girl will cross your path some day.Just do not go out to look for one. There is only 1 way and that is the right way so stay on that track and she will come.

Reply to Linda
Posted by: BANG | 2010-11-01

WOW, thats a problem linda, i might only now add that he has some problem! best thing i think you guys should do is go for couple counceling! you know, maybe i can speak to you about some things that worry me to! to have a women like you is very hard to find! ive had a couple of girls in my lifetime and am so scared of getting married and dont know why! im young i know but thinking of it gives me shivers down my spine! women are like sex doggys in todays life! ive been brought up to respect and love my women! to always be there for her and yet i cant find anyone to show that back to me! im 23 and i know i got a long life ahead of me but the thought of getting married to the women of today makes me so scared!

Reply to BANG
Posted by: Linda | 2010-11-01

I am 54 years, old weigh 70 kg, fit in a 36 pants,the only problem the sun got hold om me as I have been working very hard along with my husband outside so there is a couple of extra wrinkles on my face.I have the going to town clothes which I wear and church and most of the times I am decent dressed not shabby or torn, as I am working with other workers and I cannot and will not expose my body to them during working hours, Can you imagine me with a dress fixing a flat tyre along the road, can you imagin me with a low line top picking up things along with workers. in short we stay on a ranch and I am most of the times outside along with my family.Can you imagin me taking out clinets out to hunt in a dress or short shorts low cut tops just to satisfy my husband, that is what I meand about my clothing, alll modern. I have been working my but off to get this business where we stand today..If I ask questions why he says I do not know, all I can think of he wants to drive in both lanes still wants to stay with me, If I ask must I go he says no he loves me.Sh... how much can and should I take.He keeps on saying does not know how to fix the marriage

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Bang | 2010-11-01

Holy crap Linda, that is really hectic! this is a very hard situation! im not a docter but just mt thoughts would be that this guy is really getting tired of you in some way! maybe i should put it as bored! Linda it is very hard sometimes to keep up to a mans standards! can i ask you a personall question and you dont have to aswer if you dont want to! " do you look after yourself, i mean in a way of are you overweight? do you dress sexy sometimes? See the thing is men always love sexy women! it is inplanted in us! im not saying thats the reason! seeing that its been 35 years and not 5 i can only think of that reason and not the fact that he is simply a cheat! Know what Linda, talk to him and ask him why he did it! tell him you know about it and you just wana know what is wrong with you or what did you do wrong? what he answers should be your next step! you know him for 35 years!

Reply to Bang
Posted by: Linda | 2010-11-01

Ok 2003 was a young girl of 35 he admitted he fell for her as she was seducing him, at first he told me it is only a daily conversation of how are you like a friend,that was Dec 2003. I felt guilty went to the doctor thought something wrong with our sex life,I got just a normal boosting capsule and we went on 2005 I found out but he was lying the whole time,now that is after he had heaven the whole 2004 almost every second night we had sex, I was broken but still remained faithfull to him and still stayed with him. you see I made once commitment and that t it was bound for ever I started trusting him from 2005 little realizing that he stil had antoher lady up untill this year in August tht I found that out.The messages they sent each other are the most personal I have ever seen, that after he told me in 2005 he would never do it again.You see I had this issue just 5 years ago and knew that he is lying, he said in front of the minister it only started this year in April, I went back got all the billings and saw that he was lying that is when I tried to commit suicide, as he signed a letter saying that if I found out anything new I can commit suicide, as that is the only way he will get his freedom to go on with his life. I will offer my life up for him as in the Bible it says you shall not leave your husbands side.I did give him afectionat kisses hugs during the day , that my kids can proof,and never said no to him in the past years if he wanted sex. I had only one problem I could not open up as I was hurt to much.The other lady admitted that they have been very close and that she loves him I have everything on record (tape). Now he is standing again infront of me saying he is sorry but does not know how to fix his marriage and he is still telling lies that I know as I have been married to him 34 years.

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Bang | 2010-11-01

That is a very hard thing to overcome i know! Wondering why he cheated if you never denied sex to him!? Why would you say he had an affair with someone else? look,im a guy myself and i would never cheat on my girl but to put myself in his shoes i would cheat cos of only few reasons!
1)cos the sex might not be good for him or you are in a way not allowing him certain things during sex
2)he might be bored with you,in my case,i wouldnt marry someone if maybe i might get bored!
3)maybe ascaping from something, i wouldnt know cos you didnt give us allot of info!

Reply to Bang
Posted by: sexologist | 2010-11-01

please consult a professional for therapy. the pain and hurt you feel needs to be first addressed on personal and relationship levels before it can be discussed on a sexual / sex therapy level.

Reply to sexologist

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