Our expert says:
Its unfortunately common for kids wose parents are divorced to become spoiled by parents who feel guilty, and to be denied their right to proper loving discipline. Interestingly the spoiling parent usually blames anyone who points this out and insists that it is THEM who have a problem.
Similarly, paying maintenance to a 22-year-old may be unhelpful for the child, discouraging them from getting on their own feet and furthering their studies or getting to work. A 22 year-old who chooses to have a baby, should not expect her father to support her and her child, let alone make demands as to what she wants to get. Throwing a party for a one-year-old is something the child cannot appreciate - it's done so the mother can show off to others. If she can't afford parties, she should not have had a child yet. And if she is graduating from a course, shouldn't she be looking for a job ?
It really sounds as though this guy is not yet emotionally and dinancially independent enough to get married, and may not be able to continue to spoil both these kids and a wife, let alone any further kids he may have with you. You are not being selfish - in a way, HE is ; selfish towards you and the marriage he is supposedly committed to.
When a kid is 22, a graduate and has chosen to have a child without being able to support it ( what about maintenance from the child's father ? ), it is not "abandoning" her to expect her to stand on her own 2 feet. You need to seriously re-think this relationship and the plan for marriage. He seems more ready to "abandon" his wife-to-be than his mature and adult child
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