Our expert says:
Spanking and whacking don't work, so that won't solve any problem. And at 9 years old, she is NOT your "baby girl", and maybe that attitude is encouraging her to behave like the spoiled brat child you're describing.
Purple is right. You and your wife need first to agree on a code of acceptable conduct for the child, then sit down wih the kid and explain, calmly but very firmly that these rules are not negotiable, and that they include NO disrespect and rudeness to other people, parents or others. And spell out a code of punishments, that for breaking these basic rules, she will lose for a set period of time ( extended if she repeats the bad behaviour ) things she likes - access to TV, cell-phone, games, whatever SHE values. By keeping to the rules and behaving politely and pleasantly - and you can emphasize how very nicely she so often does this - she can regain the privileges lost.
SO, one outburst of rudeness against someone. and she loses her cell-phone for 3 days. If repeated within the week, she loses it for a week.
And things she wans but doesn't have yet, she has to earn by so many weeks of good behaviour.
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