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Question
Posted by: Jade | 2011/10/13

Pressures and Stress

I''m 28 and have never been an academic, but I have recently started studying by correspondence. My boyfriend, who I live with, was supportive and encouraging, but now he seems to get upset and when I''m not in the study, learning. I have become increasingly frustrated with one of the two modules and sometime cry and lash out at him because I just have no interest in what I''m learning, and it seems like its more important to him that I get a degree than to me. He is a highly skilled professional and studying for him is a simple function that shouldn''t require so much effort and he can''t understand why I just can''t get into it and focus. I haven''t found my passion and this is quickly going nowhere and I''m afraid his disappointment may end our relationship. I have become tearful and insecure and what was supposed to be a part time effort is not affecting my whole life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder what it is you are studying - not everything one may study is "academic" If you have no interest in this topic, and don't enjoy it, why are you studying it ? Just to please him ? That's not a good reason. Is there a sense that he feels embarased to have a gf who doesn't have a degree ? If so, that's not a promising attitude for a long happy relationship.
Maybe it'd be better, anyway, to see a psychologist who specializes in vocational testing and guidance, who can do tests to assess your interests and skills / aptitudes, and suggest areas you could develop which you would enjoy AND be good at.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jade | 2011/10/13

I have paid myself and the subject is advertising. I''m not disciplined enough to do it on my own. Had I had the luxury of going to a university after school, and be lectured on the subject, I think the outcome would be entirely different. Having said that - I still feel like if I had to suggest not writing the exam, my boyfriend would be very disappointed, with the stance that I should ''just write it'' and try than not and confirm a fail. I do see his point, but I become very stressed, defensive and agitated whilst trying. I will go to a psychologist who does aptitude tests and hopefully find an alternative course, that will suit me.

Reply to Jade
Posted by: Jessica | 2011/10/13

If you are not interested in the course, then stop. It''s no use getting a degree in a field that you don''t want- your heart will never be in it and at the end of the day it is a waste of money. Who is paying, by the way? You or him?

Perhaps an aptitude test and personality test at your local college or university will help you find some direction.

I can understand how you feel but at the end of the day your boyfriend should be there to support you and yay for him for finding his passion but he should now respect you and not force you into something you don''t want to do .

Or course, if he''s paying then it''s a different ball game.

Reply to Jessica
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/13

I wonder what it is you are studying - not everything one may study is "academic" If you have no interest in this topic, and don't enjoy it, why are you studying it ? Just to please him ? That's not a good reason. Is there a sense that he feels embarased to have a gf who doesn't have a degree ? If so, that's not a promising attitude for a long happy relationship.
Maybe it'd be better, anyway, to see a psychologist who specializes in vocational testing and guidance, who can do tests to assess your interests and skills / aptitudes, and suggest areas you could develop which you would enjoy AND be good at.

Reply to cybershrink

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