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Question
Posted by: problems | 2011/05/27

Premature ejaculation

I have a problem with premature ejaculation.This is causing a strain in our relationship.Please advise what can be done to cure or help with this problem

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

The average time it takes a man to ejaculate one stimulation begins is two minutes - but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as you stop taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps you could learn to delay your ejaculation...?

The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your testicles, heart rate) and at which point you need to ease off before it's too late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or 6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

A trusted partner could be a great help by coaching you through this, asking where you are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks) and then once you have had some success, perhaps your partner could stimulate you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your partner on top so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must remember to direct your partner to slow, stop, or start again as you need.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your partner may feel frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process.

Good luck and enjoy!


Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Taryn | 2011/05/27

Damn STALLION, you just made me horny...huuuuu

Reply to Taryn
Posted by: STALLION | 2011/05/27

Most young men struggle with this predicament. There is more than one way to deal with premature ejaculation. Do a lot of foreplay. Start with your hands on her thighs, hips, stomach and pubic area. Then with some lubrication, move with your fingers to her labia inside her vulva. Only when she has come well aroused, commence to touch het clitoris very gently and with much lubrication. Continue until she has reached more that one orgasm. Only enter her vagina with your penis when she is begging you to do so. Again lubricate her vagina very well. Start with your thrusting movement very slowly and in a rubbing way on her vulva. When she is groaning so loud that the neighbours start banging on the windows and walls, and even shouting : stop the noise ! ! ! , then thrust your heart out until you commence to shoot a proper load of sperm right up her spine into her heart. Count your contractions and concentrate thereon. I have experienced up to a 45 contractions count. Roll off and lie still on your back to recover from close to death because of heart failure, to life again. Do not get scared when you notice that your penis has become limped and has shrinked to a small and insignificant little thing. Within a couple of hours your penis will become proud and as venomous as a rinkhals snake again.

Reply to STALLION
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/05/27

The average time it takes a man to ejaculate one stimulation begins is two minutes - but due to the differences between men and women, many men choose to learn to delay their orgasm in order to try to give more penetrative pleasure to female partners. Whilst a low dose anti-depressant (SSRI) can help as one of the side effects of these drugs is to delay orgasm, the benefits will stop as soon as you stop taking the medication...so it is a short term aid. Perhaps you could learn to delay your ejaculation...?

The best way to learn this would be through masturbation where you learn recognise your physical signs of excitement (e.g. heightening sensation, a sensation in your testicles, heart rate) and at which point you need to ease off before it's too late (i.e. when the 'twitching' begins, it's probably too late). One way to help with this would be to try scoring your excitement on a scale of 0-10, with 8 being the point at which there's no turning back. When you get to about 5 or 6/10 you need to start using delaying strategies. For example: slowing or changing the rhythm of the friction, trying to take some deep and slow breaths, and try tensing your pelvic floor muscles as if you are trying to stop the flow of urine. Once your arousal has reduced somewhat (e.g. to about 3 or 4/10), you can resume stimulation and repeat this process several times before allowing ejaculation to take place.

A trusted partner could be a great help by coaching you through this, asking where you are on the scale, and encouraging you to use the strategies suggested. You stimulate yourself for the first few practice rounds (i.e. over days or weeks) and then once you have had some success, perhaps your partner could stimulate you, but she must slow down as and when you says to do so. Once you've gained confidence like this, you could move onto trying this intravaginally. This is likely to be much more difficult because of the sensations (warmth, moist) of the vagina so you should maybe slow your arousal down earlier than 5 or 6/10 to begin with. The best position to learn this would be with your partner on top so that you can focus all of your attention on your sensations, but you must remember to direct your partner to slow, stop, or start again as you need.

It's really important that these are 'exercises' though, and not 'sexual acts' as normal, otherwise you will feel more pressure to perform and your partner may feel frustrated - neither of these will help you with this learning process.

Good luck and enjoy!


Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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