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Question
Posted by: Jena | 2010/12/06

Premature Ejaculation???

Hi there. Late last week I slept with a man that I really like. We have been chatting/sms''ng for 2 years. From platonic to sexual. Just a question for the guys...he hardly penetrated 4 times and came after 10min of touching. I could not believe it. He was not even ashamed. I felt bad for his part but he seemed very happy. I know he is not a virgin as he has a child and was married. This is the 2nd time that I am involved with such a happening and the 1st time I just ignored the guy out of dissapointment up until today. He still cant look me in the face (10 yrs later). I really like this guy, but dont want to make contact. He did not either. He looked quite happy when he left. On our tele and sms conversations, he sounded like someone that could do the deed. Groot bek...what should I do?I would like to know what he might be thinking...Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Guys vary in how long it takes them to reach orgasm and ejaculation, and what we call Premature Ejaculation is not necessarily measured in minutes or seconds, but in whether this happens before they have satisfied their partner and themselves. Apparently the first guy you describe expected much more of himself and felt very bad about performing at a level less than he wished for ; and the second guy apparently is used to performing this briefly, and saw nothing unusual or embarrassing about it.
If the man recognizes this as a frequent problem, there are various methods of treatment that can greatly help. IF he is satisfied, he will not seek treatment and not change.
If you care about him, rather than only the sexual aspect of the relationship. you can discuss this tactfully and gently with him, and explore whether this is usual with him, and whether he might like to see someone who works in this field, to improve his duration and his ability to satisfy you, which is something he may want to achieve.
Remember, depending on age groups and cultural factors, some men have been conditioned to think only of their own satisfaction, don't really understand about a woman's satisfaction, and may not even notice that she didn't enjoy the experience or was disappointed.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: mmm | 2010/12/08

I take it you were not using condoms...or did you?

Reply to mmm
Posted by: Louise | 2010/12/06

I''m afraid its probably his normal behaviour. Some guys are just poor lovers and never improve. But sometimes the first time can be awkward and disappointing, and thereafter he may be a real stud. The only way to be sure, if you really love him, is to try it again. If he still shows himself as a poor lover, you have to decide if you can live with somebody like that forever. I''m sorry, I can''t.

Reply to Louise
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/06

Guys vary in how long it takes them to reach orgasm and ejaculation, and what we call Premature Ejaculation is not necessarily measured in minutes or seconds, but in whether this happens before they have satisfied their partner and themselves. Apparently the first guy you describe expected much more of himself and felt very bad about performing at a level less than he wished for ; and the second guy apparently is used to performing this briefly, and saw nothing unusual or embarrassing about it.
If the man recognizes this as a frequent problem, there are various methods of treatment that can greatly help. IF he is satisfied, he will not seek treatment and not change.
If you care about him, rather than only the sexual aspect of the relationship. you can discuss this tactfully and gently with him, and explore whether this is usual with him, and whether he might like to see someone who works in this field, to improve his duration and his ability to satisfy you, which is something he may want to achieve.
Remember, depending on age groups and cultural factors, some men have been conditioned to think only of their own satisfaction, don't really understand about a woman's satisfaction, and may not even notice that she didn't enjoy the experience or was disappointed.

Reply to cybershrink

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