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Question
Posted by: Aloe | 2012-03-12

pregnant and depressed

Dear Doc

i need help, am going throught a terrible painful period in my life with my pregnancy, am 7 months pregnant and found out 3 months ago that my boyfriend has been having an affair with the our domestic worker, i decided to move out and find place of my own, and 1 months ago he came to begg for forgiveness and which i still told him that he is not truly sorry for the things he did, nor did he sincerely apologies for it, so i refused to take him back told him that i need time to understand whats happening and focus on the pregnancy.. lastweek emailed me to tell that he is moving on with his life and he has someone new he is currently staying with and i should respect his space and stop informing him about the pregnancy and he will only be involved onces the kid is born, am so deeply hurt by his painfull words and his actions, how can someone me so much pain and decide that his child is not important at the moment. i dont know what to do, i have no one to talk to, this situation is all i think about , am ashamed to tell my friends and family, i feel so depressed i know i should focus on the baby but its so hard each day i keep dwelling deeper and deeper on the pain

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, you made a big mistake in choosing a rat as a boyfriend - your duty in life isn't to never make a mistake ( everyone does that ) but to learn from mistakes and not repeat them.
His behaviour is of course disgraceful ( you can pity the new lamb to the slaughter, the new woman he apparently plans to exploit ). You are well rid of him.
However make CERTAIN that you discuss this with the Maintenance COurt and get a proper COurt Order forcing him to pay full maintenance for any birth expenses not covered by your medical aid, and for the continuing costs of raising and supporting the child until it reaches adult age. Such men must never be allowed to scatter their sperm without carrying the costs of doing so.
DO see a counsellor to help support you, and to help you plan to speak with family and friends who I am sure will be glad to provide you with extra support.
Don't let him off the hook by taking all responsibility and blame onto yourself

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Aloe | 2012-03-12

thank you so much everyone for the advices, it is the 1st time i see this matter from other perspective, yes i did move out of the house because i believe that no woman deserve to me disrespected like that, and the reason i still continue talking to him is because of the baby, as i know the pain of growing up without the other parent, but i was busy just keeping him on the loop on the baby''s developments and Dr''s visits and so on, but since he emailed to STOP doing that, it was not just the pain for me, it felt that he is already rejecting the child even before his is born because i dont understand how could he say he will only be interested when the kid is born.

Thank you so much for the advices it has open my eyes to the maintance issue as well, because i had already told myself after his email that if he doesnt even want to even after the birth, but i see now that my pride wont help me, he has to pay his part in all of this. thank you so much. i feel much better now but i will try to take it one day at a time with God''s Grace

Reply to Aloe
Posted by: Gracie | 2012-03-12

Leave him alone .... sue his sorry a$$ for maintenance when your child is born and be eternally grateful that you are rid of him! If anyone should be ashamed, it''s him! You did not do anything wrong, you did not behave in such a bad way, he did, he must suffer the consequences of his actions. For all you know, with his reputation, he could have dozens of kids running around that he does not even know about. Good luck, pick up the pieces of your life, hold your head high and prepare for the birth of your child.

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Lola | 2012-03-12

Please move on. He has cheated on you with your domestic and you still want him to be a part of your life? He will do it again. I know it hurts, but the pain will eventually subside. Right now you''re feeling terrible, and more so because of the hormones.

Don''t bother informing him of the pregnancy, but make sure he pays custody. He is a rat!

Save your child from the embarassment of having a father like this. I know it is his child too, but work now on keeping healthy and maintaining a healthy pregnancy.

Right now focus on a healthy child.

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Liza | 2012-03-12

Try and see the situation as a blessing instead of a curse. You no longer have a cheating sob in your life. This a-wipe doesn''t deserve you or your unborn child. He does deserve to be slapped with a court order forcing him to contribute financially to the costs of the birth (unless you have medical aid that will pay) as well as support payments every month.

You really shouldn''t feel so ashamed - it''s a positive and constructive decision to remove this piece of trash out of your life. It''s something to be proud of - not ashamed of. Everyone makes mistakes. Life is not about the mistakes we make - it''s about what we learn from those mistakes...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-12

OK, you made a big mistake in choosing a rat as a boyfriend - your duty in life isn't to never make a mistake ( everyone does that ) but to learn from mistakes and not repeat them.
His behaviour is of course disgraceful ( you can pity the new lamb to the slaughter, the new woman he apparently plans to exploit ). You are well rid of him.
However make CERTAIN that you discuss this with the Maintenance COurt and get a proper COurt Order forcing him to pay full maintenance for any birth expenses not covered by your medical aid, and for the continuing costs of raising and supporting the child until it reaches adult age. Such men must never be allowed to scatter their sperm without carrying the costs of doing so.
DO see a counsellor to help support you, and to help you plan to speak with family and friends who I am sure will be glad to provide you with extra support.
Don't let him off the hook by taking all responsibility and blame onto yourself

Reply to cybershrink

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