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Question
Posted by: BB | 2011/03/28

Pregnancy &  Parents

Hi, I fell pregnant and will be +- 10 weeks next week. I haven''t told my family yet, some friends. I grew up with my dad and he means the world to me. My dad''s family is anti-kids! Basically you were brainwashed that is a shame to have a baby. I told my dad but he didn''t say anything, he did tell my sister that he doesn''t see the point in wishing me congrats. When I found out about the preg it was a shock, I am happy but scared. My mom is biopolar, so she is a zero on a contract. My husband told his family and they were all very excited and can''t wait. So it is very difficult and I don''t want to tell my family. I also don''t like attention but would like for my dad to be excited - parents are suppose to comfort you. As it is my first pregnancy. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely you need to tell your family ? And I don't understand, when you talk about the reactions of your father, and sister, etc - aren't they your family ?
Its not about congratulations - I have never understood the point of congratulating a woman on falling pregnant, as even an unconscious woman can do that. It's NOT falling pregnant until one is ready to care for the child properly, that needs more congratulations. And what are you looking for, a medal ?
If this pregnancy is something you and your husband want, then be happy together ; you don't need to approval or applause of anyone else. You don't need them to be excited !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2011/03/29

Your father doesn''t believe in people having children - yet he has two children - you and your sister and he himself was once a child. How has he coped iwth the shame of all that.
Ask him for some tips.

You are an adult and you are married and although you love your father, his opinions no longer direct your life. He can choose to be excited and be a part of your life or he can cut himself off and suffer in silence.

Invite him out for supper in a public place, tell him and then leave him be. You might just be surprised by how supportive he is.

I think you are making a difficulty that exists only in your own mind.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Maria | 2011/03/29

Well if nobody had babies then none of you would have existed! I don''t know what sad circumstances made your father''s family negative about having children, but there is no reason for you to buy into this strange belief. While it is sad and unfortunate that they don''t want to share in the joy of your pregnancy, don''t let them rob you of that joy. As Romany says, you don''t need their permission. Celebrate your pregnancy with hubby and his family. You will probably find that once the baby is there your dad will come round, it''s very hard for a grandparent to resist his grandchild. And congratulations! You are embarking on the most exciting, important and difficult thing you''ve ever done in your life - being a parent.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/29

Firstly, how can you call your mother a " zero on a contract" ? Having Bipolar does not mean you are dead?
Secondly, who cares what your dad''s family thinks? They will not be paying for the child''s birth or upbringing.
Your husband is now the most important person in your life. You have told your dad so the will ell the rest of the family as well, but ignore their critisism and negativity.
Then, move on and enjoy your pregnancy. It realy is a great experience! You need noone''s permission for this.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/29

Surely you need to tell your family ? And I don't understand, when you talk about the reactions of your father, and sister, etc - aren't they your family ?
Its not about congratulations - I have never understood the point of congratulating a woman on falling pregnant, as even an unconscious woman can do that. It's NOT falling pregnant until one is ready to care for the child properly, that needs more congratulations. And what are you looking for, a medal ?
If this pregnancy is something you and your husband want, then be happy together ; you don't need to approval or applause of anyone else. You don't need them to be excited !

Reply to cybershrink

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