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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2010/03/05

Preg and fed up

We have been dating for almost two years now.i wrote here couple of times about him being suicidal because he blames himself for his fathers death..hes just so unhappy about anything.wev been staying together for 6 months and when he asked me to move in I told him I cant afford town house renting.we agreed he wil pay rent I will buy food since I don’ t get paid much.he earns a fortune but I don’ t know where his money goes.his mom thinks I spend it.hes very manipulative.i fel preg last year and he insisted that I abort now its been eating him.i didn’ t want to do it but I didn’ t see myself having a baby by myself,I wasn’ t going to manage.he was never there for me.it was always about him.the firt time I got back from the doc I couldn’ t stop rcrying.i tried talking to him all he could say was I don’ t want to talk about it.i was so sad and alone.even today he never asked how I am feeling.unless I ask him why he never asks.if I start talking about it then instead of him comforting me he will start going on about how a bad person he is blah blah.then I end up comforting him the he will never ak about me.i would always cry alone knowing he wont help me in anyway.i even forced him to go for councelling after he vtried to kill himself.now he lies about everything to me,his family,his collegues.he says he don’ t feell bad when he does it but it works for himl..i always know when he is lying and we always fight.now he was telling about how im trying to change him.he never used to buy polony and all this things we eat bread with and fruits and stuff as they are a waste of money.i juct come and change him.he only told me this last weekend.and that he likes going ou every weekend partying and drinking and I don’ t.he even got arrested last weekend for drunk driving..he play soccer for I don’ t know how many teams.as a result everyday he goes to play.even weekend I asked him to compromise but he says im tyring to control him or change him..we can never have a normal conversation.if we do im not supposed to ask him anny questions as he feels I don’ t want to listern to wjhat he is saying ,im tyring to control him.hes the man so I have to listern.we don’ t talk about our finances as he says they are non of my business… im preg again.and I told my family.they are ok.now I want to move out.i found a place but I am afraid of being there alone with al the night I hardly sleep.pains and all the pregnancy sicknesses.and lately I don’ t talk to him unless he talks to me because of hw he sees thing that I say to him..please advise im loosing my mind.the doc told me I should ease up on the strees as I might loose the baby but I cant help it.please help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Unhappiness can become a bad habit, even in the absence of Depression. But that is his problem, and friends can only try to persuade him to seek help and at least see a counsellor.
He sounds selfish / self-centred, and if he earns so much, then where all the money is going is a mystery, and may, if the answer is drugs, liquor, gambling, or other such wastes, also be contributing to his problems and yours.
You're not to be blamed for "trying to control him" when you merely try to bring some sort of order to his selfish and chaotic life-style.
Its hard to have sympathy for someone who demands sympathy from you, wailing about what a bad person he is, without bothering to stop being so bad and to clean up his bad behaviour - he has better choices he can't so far be bothered to make.
Have the two of you really not found a better way to deal with contraception, rather than creating these pregnancies which sound hardly fair to the eventual child ? Why do you persist in staying with this loser, and having children by him ?
It makes sense for you to move out and take better care of yourself and your child(ren), and let him take full responsibility for caring for himself. If he choses self-damaging behaviour, it may well be purely manipulative, and is his choice, and not your fault. Don't keep on giving in to an emotional blackmailer.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: idiot | 2010/03/05

Why dont u pack ur bags and move out and see what happens...

Reply to idiot
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/05

Unhappiness can become a bad habit, even in the absence of Depression. But that is his problem, and friends can only try to persuade him to seek help and at least see a counsellor.
He sounds selfish / self-centred, and if he earns so much, then where all the money is going is a mystery, and may, if the answer is drugs, liquor, gambling, or other such wastes, also be contributing to his problems and yours.
You're not to be blamed for "trying to control him" when you merely try to bring some sort of order to his selfish and chaotic life-style.
Its hard to have sympathy for someone who demands sympathy from you, wailing about what a bad person he is, without bothering to stop being so bad and to clean up his bad behaviour - he has better choices he can't so far be bothered to make.
Have the two of you really not found a better way to deal with contraception, rather than creating these pregnancies which sound hardly fair to the eventual child ? Why do you persist in staying with this loser, and having children by him ?
It makes sense for you to move out and take better care of yourself and your child(ren), and let him take full responsibility for caring for himself. If he choses self-damaging behaviour, it may well be purely manipulative, and is his choice, and not your fault. Don't keep on giving in to an emotional blackmailer.

Reply to cybershrink

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