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Question
Posted by: Control Freak | 2011/05/20

Post 916

I hate to complain, but this whole situation is making me depressed. I was so excited about the project. Now I am anxious about the fact that he will take all the glory for all my hard work. Or just even that he will be seen as my equal. He has not lifted a finger yet, and today we got an e-mail saying Contratulations to both of us. How do I, in a subtle way let the client understand that I am doing all the work? He will only be doing inspections/audits. I have to manage the whole project and I have 75% of the sites. And it seems he wants me do do his admin as well! I want to look for another job, but I want to gain experience during this project before I make my move. I have only been promoted recently and this project will look very good on my CV. I tried to talk my manager into giving my sites back to me, but to no avail. Maybe I must just put so much pressure on him that he simply cannot cope. I insisted on supervising him on his initial visits, and he requested to attend mine. Now it seems its too much trouble to attend mine. Maybe I should leave him to make a mess at his sites and let them see him for who he really is. A fake! I just want everything to be perfect. And I want recognition for what I do. It makes me depressed that he takes credit for something that took me 2 days to do. It really took a lot of planning. How do I get the client to see what his part in the project really is? Because they think he is the best thing since sliced bread. And I am working my butt off. I had no weekends, public holidays, I start work at 6 in the morning. But it is just not seen. Because the client is overseas. At the end of the project they are going to think: Wow, but he did a wonderful job. And that really Irritates me. I can''t do more than I''m already doing. I can just to it better than him. But that makes me anxious. Then I don''t sleep, I don''t relax and I''m on edge the whole time. Feels like everything is out of control.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, if your bosses can't see what this little squirt is up to, they're really lousy bosses and not worth their pay. Maybe they feel he's annoying you enough to do even better than you usually do, but that's a foolish tactic.
Keep copious records of all your input and work on the project(s) so the records will show what you did and what he did.
Maybe most of the best work you do is invisible to your clients ( and the myopic managers ) ; maybe the inspections and audits are what they see more clearly, thus exaggerating the appearance of the role he is playing ?
And the client's compliments message mentions both of you,as you are indeed both involved, but is hardly a scorecard rating individual contributions.
There's surely no reason for you to do his admin work ( hard work for you, but invisible to management and client ) simply tell him to do his own admin work, as is usual.
Why not allow him to make a mess at his sites ( if he will indeed be likely to do so ) ? If he is likely to suceed, then you'd want to be sure to supervise and take some credit for his work - 2 can play at his game !
Do you have time to spend a while with the client and explain what your differing roles are, to help them understand better ? And do they really not understand this already ?
I think it would be really wise for you to see a good local psychologist providing CBT ( Cognitive-behaviour Therapy ) to help you reduce the self-imposed degree of stress which is doing you and your project no good at all, and leave you more refreshed and effective in doing what you are already doing so well. Learn to be realistic in what you expect of yourself and others - to control what (a) you CAN control, and (b) what actually needs controlling, and just relax about what you can't control - don't blame yourself for not having brought peace in the Middle East !

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1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/20

Firstly, if your bosses can't see what this little squirt is up to, they're really lousy bosses and not worth their pay. Maybe they feel he's annoying you enough to do even better than you usually do, but that's a foolish tactic.
Keep copious records of all your input and work on the project(s) so the records will show what you did and what he did.
Maybe most of the best work you do is invisible to your clients ( and the myopic managers ) ; maybe the inspections and audits are what they see more clearly, thus exaggerating the appearance of the role he is playing ?
And the client's compliments message mentions both of you,as you are indeed both involved, but is hardly a scorecard rating individual contributions.
There's surely no reason for you to do his admin work ( hard work for you, but invisible to management and client ) simply tell him to do his own admin work, as is usual.
Why not allow him to make a mess at his sites ( if he will indeed be likely to do so ) ? If he is likely to suceed, then you'd want to be sure to supervise and take some credit for his work - 2 can play at his game !
Do you have time to spend a while with the client and explain what your differing roles are, to help them understand better ? And do they really not understand this already ?
I think it would be really wise for you to see a good local psychologist providing CBT ( Cognitive-behaviour Therapy ) to help you reduce the self-imposed degree of stress which is doing you and your project no good at all, and leave you more refreshed and effective in doing what you are already doing so well. Learn to be realistic in what you expect of yourself and others - to control what (a) you CAN control, and (b) what actually needs controlling, and just relax about what you can't control - don't blame yourself for not having brought peace in the Middle East !

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