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Posted by: star wars | 2008/09/19

post 1744 - break up reasons / drugs

I found out my bf has been on drugs for more than 18 months. now we are going for therapy not for us, but for his drug addiction. Cybershrink - having responded to the previous post, what advice for us now? I have moved out the house, taken away all credit cards from him so that he has no access to money, but i cant live with him. My concern is that not being there i cant monitor his comings and goings.
I was lied to by him and the entire group of what i thought were our closest friends, in fact one was almost my best friend. I have cut all ties with them and forbidden any contact between bf and them (otherwise there will be consequences since i work with her). I am removing him completely from any influences or ability to pay for drugs. I am so angry with him and the entire group that i have an all-consuming rage in me right now. I also have a concern about my ex-friend as apparently (I hear through a mutual friend that went to see her last night) that she is absolutely devastated and is taking it very hard, since both she and her fiance looked up to me and respected me hugely (before wise a** responds like s/he did to my previous post, I was told this by others and am not blowing my own trumpet). I am worried that she might do something stupid. On the other hand i have a lot of control now since anything she does can get her fired since i am in HR at the same company. that at least gives me some satisfaction. the bf is also clinging to me for dear life and as angry as i am i feel that i have to help him through this.
To Wise a**
re my post and your response - i was right. Stop being such an a** to people that are going through a tough time, it will come back to bite you one day. that is just plain nasty.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He is not likely to get better if he requires constant monitoring by you and won't take personal responsibility for his choices and actions. Similarly, you are right that he needs to break of ALL contact with any druggie friends he has, as they will only drag him back. YOur other friend also MUST take personal responsibility for her chocies and actions --- its not up to you to make sure she doesn't do something stupid --- its hard enough to try to control your own life, let alone that of several others. If she knows that her actions can get her fired, and chooses to continue with those, she probably ought to get fired. Protecting such people from the consequences of their actions, encourages them to behave irresponsibly.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kasandra | 2008/09/19

I think you are co dependant you want to do it for him! I know that comes from a good place~ its hard~ but he needs to learn to deal with the addiction ~ i think you should distance yourself ~ its sounds insensitive but tough love learning to have to stand on your own and facing up to your addiction is a step forward. You have to focus on yourself and your feelings. Addiction is a sickness and it would destroy without thinking about others. good luck! !

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: star wars | 2008/09/19

thank you CS. That gives me a lot of comfort that i am doing the right thing. We are seeing the therapist tonight and will see what else comes up. I still think that there is a lot that he is covering up.

Reply to star wars
Posted by: star wars | 2008/09/19

thanks Kasandra. i appreciate your response. can you advise me - he wants me there to support him and be with him, but it is really hard for me to do that. I cant live under the same roof, but every night he asks me to stay over. I am supporting him financially and spending time with him almost every day. Do you think having been an addict that i should be staying there or not?

Reply to star wars
Posted by: Kasandra | 2008/09/19

You are very supportive unfortunately an addict dont change over night and if he wants to use he will find a way. He will have to want to stop and attend meetings. Good luck and i hope you can deal with your dissapointment and hurt! Keep posting here! So we know the process. I am an x addict in the end its up to yourself!

Reply to Kasandra

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