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Question
Posted by: @purple | 2010/10/14

post 1051

I wonder what you base your IQ assessment on, exactly?

Actual studies of abusive relationships have shown that it can take an average of nine attempts before an abused woman finally break with her abuser for good.

And it has a lot less to do with IQ than it has to do with the very special level of damage that happens when the person torturing you is the same person you initially trusted to make love to you.

Then factor in issues like children, shock and a systematic breakdown of self-esteem - and remember that it doesn''''t happen the day after the wedding, or all at once - and you have a very complex situation.

I do know that a woman in this predicament has to be very careful not to trust someone like you to help her get away because your impatience and lack of comprehension or empathy would just compound her problems.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

moi ?
IQ can be such an artificial concept in real life, as your comments show. Highly intelligent women, by any criterion ( and some highly intelligent men ) tolerate or stay with or return to, abusive situations, so its clearly not about intelligence however measured. The problem is how to help someone change that self-imprisoning and self-defeating set of acceptances, assumptions, and behaviours learned in such settings, so that they can break free.

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Our users say:
Posted by: detective faber | 2010/10/19

purple, i think you are in a abusive relationship, get out of it while you still can. From experience, a woman who are in an abusive relationship sounds easy for anyone to tell get out of the relationship, but it aint that easy, because the person dishing out the abuse also threatens, and fronm the experiences that women had from their abusers are that they might even go as far as carry out the threat, and to them that is real scary. Purple purple rain don''t let your situation keep you in the pain, leave your abuser behind. Some of these guys are such cowards who does the abusing they have serious complex issues, unfortunately the women suffers like hell. I have been stabbed, i got in real bad fights for helping abused women, will i stop no, because i make a difference.

Reply to detective faber
Posted by: Kristen | 2010/10/15

Ditto Lizard, well said. Purple, you really come across as an arrogant, know it all. Here''s a word of advice to you, never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: lizard | 2010/10/14

Purple you sound like an educated idiot, I''m not the brightest apple that fell from the tree, you sound sarcastic and arrogant to me, and by the way emotion is the pivot to all understanding, your lack of empathy is shocking concidering the type of advice you are dishing up by the bucketful, clearly you are in love with the sound of your own voice, and most probably have a " I am God complex"  so when people dont do as you say when you say, then Thats it, they can just go ahead and suffer, I suffer from self imprisoment and self defeating and so does one of my friends, we have discussed this for two years, to each other we both need help but cant afford it and God forbid if we could afford it we land up with you, its a sickness that does''nt get sorted out in five minutes, both of us underdtand theoretically the ins and outs of our behavior but we dont understan how to sort ourselves out, we are both lovely beautiful intelligent kind giveing and generous people, we would desparately love to know how to break free from ourselves, as we suffer extreme deep depression from this, you just sound like a stupid nasty person to me

Reply to lizard
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/14

Feeling a bit touchy are we?

My personal feeling is that people who claim to have been completely brainwashed are speaking nonsense, that anyone wiht a shred of intelligence would at some point say hang on a second, this person is talking nonsense and question things. I assume though that peole wiht very low IQ''s might not be questioning enough.

I fully comprehend that women in abusive relationships can have their self esteem reduced to tatters over years. However, this person seems clearly to be resisting all attempts at help so I doubt sher eally wants to leave the situation - poor self esteem or great self esteem (which it unlikely given the circumstances she is in).

I don''t think you completely understood what I was saying in my comment though as you seem to have flown off the handle a bit on a completely different tangent to what I was actually saying, you seem to have read things into it that I wasn''t trying to imply.

I''m sorry you took such extreme offense to my comment. No, I''m not a particularly empathetic person. Generally the fifth time a person comes to me for help but has done nothing to help themselves in the interim, I tend to tell them directly that I don''t think they really want to be helped and that they should return only when they really do. I''m told I''m very patient.

I was just giving my personal opinion on a post. This is a public forum with a qualified professional in charge of it and we are all free to post. I''m never deliberately nasty in my posts, but my opinions might of course cause offence sometimes, just like others posts might cause offence to me. When this happens, I think that I disagree with them and then I leave the matter.

I hope your day improves from here as you seem a little flustered that you felt the need to post this here. I had actually seen your post but had chosen to ignore it as I didn''t feel any need to respond, but since you clearly feel you want a response, I''ve now responded.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/14

moi ?
IQ can be such an artificial concept in real life, as your comments show. Highly intelligent women, by any criterion ( and some highly intelligent men ) tolerate or stay with or return to, abusive situations, so its clearly not about intelligence however measured. The problem is how to help someone change that self-imprisoning and self-defeating set of acceptances, assumptions, and behaviours learned in such settings, so that they can break free.

Reply to cybershrink

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