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Question
Posted by: Thobi | 2010/05/10

Possessive Partner

I have been dating this man for about 3 months now, he now spend every day of his life with me, when we met I wanted us to take things as they come. My social life has now changed, when I go to my friends he complains, he stopped me from visiting them or having a social life, I visit my sisters and parents most of the time. If I am late I must explain, and he will take me to the ladies social gathering and within two hours he will be back to collect me. I really feel uneasy though I love him so much. I raised this with him several times, but I seem to be ignored. He is a loving and caring man, but I think somehow he is a control freak. At times he will call and he will find my phone off, maybe after work, he will leave nasty messages saying I must choose between him and friends. In a relationship, I guess we are both entitled to have friends and our own times, but with him it’ s not so clear. I am planning to end this affair, but how I don’ t know, I feel so unsure to leave him thinking, he has given me so much love, the only weakness I see in him is possessive.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, there's an important difference between being fond and close, and being possessive and exclusive. It may be an issue both of him wanting to control things, and of feeling inadequate and scared to lose you. Couples counselling could help. Maybe in gentle discussion you can tell him your enjoyment of the friends and family you had before you met him, in no way diminishes your fondness for him - and you don't want to choose between him and them, as you can easily enjoy both - and indeed you'll feel the more fond of him for being able to share your happiness with him with other friends as well.
And its so understandable that you think of ending the affair - people who are too possesive risk losing it altogether ; people unwilling to share you with friends and family, usually lose uyou altogether, and deserve to do so unless they recognize the problem and are prepared to work on changing it

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/10

Yes, there's an important difference between being fond and close, and being possessive and exclusive. It may be an issue both of him wanting to control things, and of feeling inadequate and scared to lose you. Couples counselling could help. Maybe in gentle discussion you can tell him your enjoyment of the friends and family you had before you met him, in no way diminishes your fondness for him - and you don't want to choose between him and them, as you can easily enjoy both - and indeed you'll feel the more fond of him for being able to share your happiness with him with other friends as well.
And its so understandable that you think of ending the affair - people who are too possesive risk losing it altogether ; people unwilling to share you with friends and family, usually lose uyou altogether, and deserve to do so unless they recognize the problem and are prepared to work on changing it

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