Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-07-27

Pornography on son' s cell phone

My son is 14 years old. I have found a pornographic video on his cell. What do I do?

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Our expert says:
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CTmom, as usual, is very sensible here. It's a normal thing these days, and can be a useful opportunity.
Too often, if we're not careful, we give kids a peculiar mixed message --- sex is a filthy, dirty awful thing --- which you must save for the person you love and marry.
BY 14 he's of an age to be curious, and a friend could have sent it to him. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to have a calm and comforting talk about sex. If you can mention that you discovered the video without that in itself freaking him out ( if, maybe, he didn't know you were snooping in his phone ), maybe raise the issue indirectly --- that a friend mentioned her son had asked her about such videos, and has he come across such things. The point would be not to catastrophize the issue, bu to gently explore what he knows, accurate or inaccurate, what he's curious about, what he nees to know, and to open a dialogue, so he should feel free to come back to you a any time with fresh queries.
I wasn't aware of the potential problem if such material is found by a teacher, but that would be an even better reason to raise the issue with him, not about whatver he might or might not have on his phone, but talking about how you have heard of such a problem arising elsewhere, and is he aware of such things and how serious a problem it could be ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-07-28

Its normal, most teens have these things on their cells but gaurd them safely so parents do not find it.So dont make a huge issue out of it or you' l have bigger issues to deal with.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009-07-28

He is 14 and exploring the world. The bigger deal you make of it, the more he will see what you trying to hide.

Maybe its time you sat him down, found out what he knows, what he thinks he knows and work from there.

Law wise : if his cellphone is found by a teacher or someone and they see the porn, you can be charged with child abuse and I am not joking. I would ask him to remove it so that YOU wont get into trouble, He is old enough to understand there are consequences to his actions which could and will effect not just him.

Just dont flip out, it would have the opposit effect to what you wanted.

Reply to CTMOM

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