Our expert says:
CTmom, as usual, is very sensible here. It's a normal thing these days, and can be a useful opportunity.
Too often, if we're not careful, we give kids a peculiar mixed message --- sex is a filthy, dirty awful thing --- which you must save for the person you love and marry.
BY 14 he's of an age to be curious, and a friend could have sent it to him. Think of this as an excellent opportunity to have a calm and comforting talk about sex. If you can mention that you discovered the video without that in itself freaking him out ( if, maybe, he didn't know you were snooping in his phone ), maybe raise the issue indirectly --- that a friend mentioned her son had asked her about such videos, and has he come across such things. The point would be not to catastrophize the issue, bu to gently explore what he knows, accurate or inaccurate, what he's curious about, what he nees to know, and to open a dialogue, so he should feel free to come back to you a any time with fresh queries.
I wasn't aware of the potential problem if such material is found by a teacher, but that would be an even better reason to raise the issue with him, not about whatver he might or might not have on his phone, but talking about how you have heard of such a problem arising elsewhere, and is he aware of such things and how serious a problem it could be ?
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