Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/07/27

Pornography on son'  s cell phone

My son is 14 years old. I have found a pornographic video on his cell. What do I do?

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Our expert says:
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Firstly, there is the issue of how did you find this, and whether your son is aware that you go through his phone? This is often a tricky one for parents, trying to walk the line between respecting his privacy whilst keeping him safe. It is not unusual for adolescent boys t seek out pornography, but you need to consider your own views on this, as well as the legal fact that he is under 18.

It is important that he is not left feeling bad or that he is somehow dirty because of having sexual feelings. It is more about channeling these in a healthy way.

So you can either raise these issues in general, or you can take the direct approach, including telling him you looked at his phone. Its about taking into account what you feel he will react more positively to, and be able to hear your message. What is very important is that you are clear about what your message is going to be and why in terms of your own views and what you think is best for your son.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Peppy | 2009/07/28

My son is 13 years old and i found he was visiting porn websites on his phone, when i got the phone bill i realised something is wrong. I did vow to have an open mind as I believe children even as young as 13 due to t.v' s internet and the like already faced with all these things.
I sat him down and explained that looking at porn at his age, makes sex an ugly thing, and that although he is facing puberty he must realise that pornography though not right or wrong will give him the wrong perception of sex, i told him that sex is beautiful and is something to be respected and porno changes that. I tried to explain to him that sex between two people should be out of love and sex should be between mature individuals of which he is still young and needs to understand sex in a positive context and not a deragoratory context.
I did cancel his internet service on his phone however in all honesty friends could easily sms him, but what i am trying to say is I came forward and spoke to him, telling him if he needs me and has any questions he need not go to his friends who know probably less than he does, but come to me or his father and we will explain the things that he is going through.
So i just wanted to instill in him that porno should be looked at as derogatory to woman and that sex is not what he sees on these sites but smut. I never shouted at him, i felt i wanted to show him that I have a understanding. But i must say I was shocked and it was not expected. So now i make it a point to try and get him to speak to me and also find things to do with his time to stop the idleness of spending time on the phone on Mixit and the like.
I know these comments are not a solution but the manner I approached it appears to have helped for now anyway.

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