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Question
Posted by: Adelle | 2010/04/20

Pornografie en internet dating sites addiction

Goeie more. Ek hoop dis reg as ek in afrikaans skryf. Ek wil graag raad he oor my man en sy pornografie en internet dating sites verslawing. Ons het 6 jaar saam gebly voor ons getroud is en is nou ''n jaar en ''n half getroud. Hy is 32 en ek 28. Hy het al lank pornografie begin kyk op internet, maar dit het nie so gepla nie, totdat ek net na ons getroud is uitegevind het dat ''n begin het om op dating sites te gaan. Hy is ''n baie goeie man, met sy eie besigheid wat hom baie stres gee, so ek verstaan as hy afleiding wil he, maar hy het toetaal en al verslaaf geraak. As ek in die stort is, iewers gou winkel toe gaan ens, gaan hy op die internet. Ek weet nie wat moet ek doen of se dat hy moet probeer op hou nie. Ek weet die rede hoekom hy dit ook doen is dat hy nie ''n goeie verhouding met sy pa gehad het toe hy jonk was nie, en self nou ook. Ek het al so vinnig met ''n sielkundige naby ons oor die die foon gepraat oor die probleem, maar al wat sy vir my se is skei. Ek gaan nie skei nie, ek glo mens sorteer die probleem uit. Ek is lief vir hom en ek weet dis ''n probleem wat hy het, en dit maak my seer, maar ek gaan nie skei nie. Watse raad kan u vir my gee asb?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, I don't think it is at all useful to describe a;; unhelpful behaviours as "addiction" even though this has become fashionable.
If you'll check the archives of this forum, you'll find many previous useful discussions about porn. On its own, and where it is not being used as a substitute for real human emotional relationships, it is generally not harmful. And it is commonly used for unemotional sex, to relieve stress.
Dating sites can be more sinister, though I wonder whether some people may use them as a substiute for actually cheating, doing so in their imagination rather than in reality.
And of course he faces the risk that that gorgeous young girl he's chatting up is acually a hairy 50 myear-old truck driver with something quite different on his mind.
I cant understand any psychologist being as irresponsible as the one you spoke to by phone, to simply suggest divorce in a case about which he/she knew so little. But seeing a marriage counsellor together could be really useful for both of you.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: mnr eina | 2010/04/20

dis makliker gesê  as gedaan, die verslaafdheid gaan jy nie maklik kry dat hy los nie tensy jy die porno sites en dating sites laat blog op internet. My vraag aan jou is hoe is julle seks lewe dink jy dis gemiddeld of baie goed wat ek probeer sê  hoe gereeld ens. en as julle seks het is dit vol passie en lekkerte of probeer hy eksperimenteer ens.

ek weet dat porno sites baie slawend is maar die feit dat hy nog op dating sites gaan beteken dalk dat hy die kat in die donker knyp. Wel ek hoop ek is verkeerd maar omdat jy nie met jou pa ''n goeie verhouding het nie nou kan jy maar porno kyk nee dis ''n flou verskoning.

i admire jou dat jy nie net wil skei nie maar eerder ''n oplossing vind miskien moet julle ''n sielkindige gaan spreek en uitvind wat is dit wat hy so smag na, maar dis ook nie gewaarborg dat hy sal instem nie.

miskien elke keer as hy op die porno ingaan en jy sien dit moet jy net daar al jou klere uittrek en vir hom sê  hier is ek in lewende lywe en jy mag aan my vat, miskien help dit.

Reply to mnr eina
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/20

Firstly, I don't think it is at all useful to describe a;; unhelpful behaviours as "addiction" even though this has become fashionable.
If you'll check the archives of this forum, you'll find many previous useful discussions about porn. On its own, and where it is not being used as a substitute for real human emotional relationships, it is generally not harmful. And it is commonly used for unemotional sex, to relieve stress.
Dating sites can be more sinister, though I wonder whether some people may use them as a substiute for actually cheating, doing so in their imagination rather than in reality.
And of course he faces the risk that that gorgeous young girl he's chatting up is acually a hairy 50 myear-old truck driver with something quite different on his mind.
I cant understand any psychologist being as irresponsible as the one you spoke to by phone, to simply suggest divorce in a case about which he/she knew so little. But seeing a marriage counsellor together could be really useful for both of you.

Reply to cybershrink

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