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Question
Posted by: Lena | 2010/07/26

Porno

My son (14years) is in a bording school far from home, but we do see him once a month. We found out that he visited a porno site while he was visiting family for the weekend. He is a very gentle, good mannered boy and has strong moral value''s. His dad phoned him and he confessed and was very ashamed and heartsore. How should we handle this? He say that he will be better of at a more " country like school" . But according to us he is in one of the bests schools in SA and there is family that he can go to on weekends. He misses us and home very much, but according to his report and the teachers he is coping very well. We are Namibian residents.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Lena,

Your son is at an age where he is becoming aware of his sexuality and it is very common for young people to seek out pronography as part of their curiosity about sex. Obviously other factors play into this including his own and his family's values. It is important that he is not made to feel "bad" or "dirty" because of this incident, but for it to be normalised as well as him being aware that pornography is not in any way real life in terms of relationships and sex.

In terms of his school choices this does need to be a balance between him getting a good education, but also him being happy. Him getting good grades does not necessarily take his emotional happiness into account, and whether he stays at his current school or moves elsewhere his overall development needs to be considered. At this stage in the school year it would be better for him to finish this grade and discuss it further in the summer holidays if he really isnt happy at his current school.

If he would like to speak to someone about it you could ask the school counsellor to recommend a therapist in the area who specialises in adolescents.

Best wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lena | 2010/07/26

Thanks so much for the quick reply.

Reply to Lena
Posted by: Teen expert | 2010/07/26

Hi Lena,

Your son is at an age where he is becoming aware of his sexuality and it is very common for young people to seek out pronography as part of their curiosity about sex. Obviously other factors play into this including his own and his family's values. It is important that he is not made to feel "bad" or "dirty" because of this incident, but for it to be normalised as well as him being aware that pornography is not in any way real life in terms of relationships and sex.

In terms of his school choices this does need to be a balance between him getting a good education, but also him being happy. Him getting good grades does not necessarily take his emotional happiness into account, and whether he stays at his current school or moves elsewhere his overall development needs to be considered. At this stage in the school year it would be better for him to finish this grade and discuss it further in the summer holidays if he really isnt happy at his current school.

If he would like to speak to someone about it you could ask the school counsellor to recommend a therapist in the area who specialises in adolescents.

Best wishes

Reply to Teen expert

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