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Posted by: Oldster | 2010/03/23

Porn/Masturbation

I''m an older person and my wife has gone off sex totally and won''t allow me to touch her. She obliges with fondling once a week, same place same procedure and I am too weak to say " No"  so masturbate while she fondles. Its boring as hell and I have decided to stimulate myself by buying a porn book and DVD. As soon as I paged though the book I masturbated to the pictures and then an hour later did it again. It was great and I know I am going to buy more books and I will masturbate as the urge gets me. Do you think this is OK.? I dont feel guilty at all but would appreciate some comments. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

I always feel sad hearing that older people stop being sexual- however I know from research this is more likely to happen when there was never really great sex even in the "good old days". Your sexual situation sounds pretty miserable.
There is no reason for your sexuality to come to a halt just because your wife is choosing to neglect hers. And it does require effort to maintain sexuality as one ages - so its a choice people make: either to get into sexual maintenance or choose avoidance and thus shut down shop.
It sounds as if porn is new to you. I always think it is wonderful and important to continue sexual exploration at any age. I recommend you read my book "Ageing and Sexuality " (Oshun 2009) Perhaps with this information you will throw away your guilt and allow yourself sexual pleasure.
I am not encouraging you to neglect your wife- on the contrary, try seduce her differently. Change the way you approach sex, introduce new ways of being sexual- again my book will provide you with lots of information.
And anyway I always prefer porn over infidelity - so find a conversation you can have with your wife that will be interesting for both of you. That will lead to some understanding and possibly soem kind of sexual/intimate experience.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2010/05/25

I thought that I posted this!!! I am exactly in the same boat and am so frustrated I can die!! She gives the reason as menopause but I do not know if one week you still have sex and then just stop completely!!

I have tried anything in the book to seduce her but nothing.....stone cold!! Maybe getting it somewhere else? I don''t know!

Reply to R
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/03/31

Hi Liz. What happens is that my wife will initiate sex by fondling my genitals then I masturbate while she fondles my genitals. If I attempt to touch her privates, she pulls away and grunts uh-uh ( i.e.. " NO"  .She has a very puritanical sort of religious attitude and if I make any remarks in any way connected to sex, she glares with utter distain, as if I am some sort of pervert. I would NEVER even suggest her viewing the DVD, she would have a stroke !! I find the porn books most enjoyable and have not yet checked out the DVD''s, I have another 2 but have not checked them out. Actually its all really a bit pathetic, but what is a guy supposed to do ?? Thanks for the interest.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/03/31

Hi Liz. What happens is that my wife will initiate sex by fondling my genitals then I masturbate while she fondles my genitals. If I attempt to touch her privates, she pulls away and grunts uh-uh ( i.e.. " NO"  .She has a very puritanical sort of religious attitude and if I make any remarks in any way connected to sex, she glares with utter distain, as if I am some sort of pervert. I would NEVER even suggest her viewing the DVD, she would have a stroke !! I find the porn books most enjoyable and have not yet checked out the DVD''s, I have another 2 but have not checked them out. Actually its all really a bit pathetic, but what is a guy supposed to do ?? Thanks for the interest.

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: Elizabeth | 2010/03/31

What do you mean when you say your wife obliges with fondling once a week? Do you mean she fondles you or she fondles herself - in other words is this mutual masturbatiion? Have you suggested to her that she watch the DVD with you?

Reply to Elizabeth

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