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Question
Posted by: justme | 2011/08/20

porn, voyeurism, erotic stories and relationships

I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years, not ideal as i am not living in the same town, and I have children that i don't want to expose to the relationship yet, but we are extremely happy when we are togehter.

It's like i finally found my other piece! This week i went to visit and used his pc, what a shock when i found that he visits porn sites and read all these stories...i confronted him, and he tried to explain it away as something he does from time to time to assist in masturbation, as it is a physical need for a male.

Please help me to make sense of this, as I feel this has violated our relationship, I don't want to make more of it than it is, but I need some understanding!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear justme,

The use of erotica, porn, erotic stories, fantasies to facilitate solo sex (masturbation) for both men and women is a very normal and common. This for both men and women whether in a relationship or not.

Men and women in a relationship need, and it is healthy and normal, to still continue enjoying ther sexual relationship with themselves and solo sex sessions are a healthy way to maintain an in touch relationship to your body.

Just like we all need "me time", and this in no way is an indication that we do not love and care for our partners, children, family friends etc because we need time to ourselves at times to "recharge our batteries". This principle is equally applicable to masturbation.

Fantasy and use of erotica as a source of stimulus for masturbation, is just that, a source of stimulus.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/08/23

For me it boils down to, I dont like sharing my man, even with pictures of other naked women. I dont own him, and I cant control him, but he is mine, and I dont share, not even with pictures in smutty rags.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: justme | 2011/08/22

I think it upset me because it is something that excludes me, like anon nr 2 I would love to be the fantasy woman, cld be that if asked. Maybe over-reacted, still a difficult idea to be wondering what he gets up to when he is alone...

Reply to justme
Posted by: Zel | 2011/08/22

Well said Anon (the second) one. What a fantastic world this would be if men could choose a woman and then refrain from looking at other woman in a " sexual" way. Magic... we can only dream.....
I have a very attractive daughter and men are always turning their heads to look at her. I asked her once if it does not irritate her, she told me that the only thing that really gets her is when old men (like over 35??? ) look at her or any young women. She says that she actually feels like " vomitting"  when " " old"  men make a pass at a young woman/girl.

Reply to Zel
Posted by: Anon | 2011/08/22

I dont understand why men cant see that it hurts us, knowing they are ogling other women. Its not just about sex, it is about feelings. Why does he not ask me for naked picutes of myself if he wants to aid his DIY. I am an attractive woman. I tell amazing stories, in fact, I should write for the hustler. Those stories would be mild incomparison to what goes on im my head............... I will gladly let him photograph me naked and write him the story that goes with it, instead of ogling some other woman????? I am not a prude, in fact, quite the opposite, but, I dont like him looking at other naked woman. It hurts me. He''s mine. I quite understand where the lady is coming from not liking the porn she found.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011/08/22

Why were you complaining in the first place? Does he murder, rape, harm or hurt the innocent? No, he cheats on you by screwing his hand...big deal. Are you using your hands???

Reply to Anon
Posted by: justme | 2011/08/20

thanks for putting it in perspective... sounds like exactly what my partner said!

Reply to justme
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/08/20

Dear justme,

The use of erotica, porn, erotic stories, fantasies to facilitate solo sex (masturbation) for both men and women is a very normal and common. This for both men and women whether in a relationship or not.

Men and women in a relationship need, and it is healthy and normal, to still continue enjoying ther sexual relationship with themselves and solo sex sessions are a healthy way to maintain an in touch relationship to your body.

Just like we all need "me time", and this in no way is an indication that we do not love and care for our partners, children, family friends etc because we need time to ourselves at times to "recharge our batteries". This principle is equally applicable to masturbation.

Fantasy and use of erotica as a source of stimulus for masturbation, is just that, a source of stimulus.

Reply to sexologist

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