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Question
Posted by: LooLoo | 2010-01-11

Porn and a couple' s sex life! Please HELP

Hi,

I' ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now and he' s always told me that he' s never watched porn or really had much interest in it, but recently I was on his computer and what popped up on his most recent searches...but all porn searches. I asked him about it and he got really angry and embarrassed and thought I was snooping, but really the searches came up when I went to use his internet explorer.

I brought it up again later in the night and told him it made me feel insecure and he assured me I had nothing to worry about. But I still am really worried. Sex for us has become more and more spaced out due to our opposite work schedules and the fact that we don' t live together. We are lucky if we have sex once a week, he claims he is always too tired (he does work a lot of hours as a mechanic). We use to have sex much more frequently before he started working full time as a mechanic. And even though it has become less frequent...the sex itself is still great for both of us. I know he isn' t cheating on me and we are both young (I' m 25 and he is 27) so I don' t understand what the problem is.

Is he simply not interested in me sexually anymore? He swears this isn' t the case and says he does still want me, but finding the porn made me second guess it. He talks about us moving in together and getting married and having kids, so I really don' t understand it. Is it possible we just need to spice things up? Is it just something I' m not giving him? Or is he uninterested in me sexually anymore? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thx,
LooLoo

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There is at present agreat need for you and your partner to really have a talk about wants, likes .,dislikes and how untruths are handled
Is sex the focus of the relationship or is it based on love ,trust, respect and mutual "gelling together "
You are already looking to spice things up when the two of you dont know where you are going or if that is the answer

i urge you to really start a conversation

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Joe | 2010-01-12

I am gay, so I don' t know from a woman' s point of view, but my life partner and I both watch porn and it gets us hot and excited for one another. I love it when he watches porn and learns new things or calls me over to see something. We both are well aware that these are " professionals"  and that neither of us can look or perform like them. This would be the more adult approach than feeling insecure about our partner watching porn. Rather than worrying about it we just make more of our lovemaking sessions together. The more we make love, the less time there is for porn. Sometimes we do watch it together and then try to follow and emulate the things on the movie or else just leave it playing in the background as we do our thing. But really, if there is a guy around, there is a 99% chance that he has watched or does watch porn. This is regardless of what kind of relationship he is in (teenager, single dude, dating, gay straight, married, whatever). Guys look at porn, get over it! (I mean this in the nicest way. As the other guy on here said... if you can' t beat ' em... join ' em!) But for goodness'  sake, don' t make a fuss of it or accuse him or cause trouble. And if you have, apologise to him and give him a damn good blow job or something. Then ask him to show you some kinds of porn he likes and if he gets aroused doing it, give him another damn good blow job!!! But make sure you turn the negative into a rock hard positive! Otherwise you' ll just lose this man - and have to look for another (porn watching) man.

Reply to Joe
Posted by: Wicky | 2010-01-12

Lilly
Wish more ladies will change there mindset. Glad there are still a few like you out there

Reply to Wicky
Posted by: Lilly | 2010-01-11

I am a woman 32,I watch it with my boyfriend and find it stimulating but only for a few minutes from there our love making will be so hot.I think most women need to change their mindset with regard to porn.We even exchange explicit pictures as a built to our meeting and it works wonders.

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Listen | 2010-01-11

Hi Loo Loo,

Most men like porn, thats why its such a huge industry. I am a man and like porn too. I have a sexy wife and our sex life is amazing. What you must remember is that women need emotion and foreplay to arouse them, mostly. Men think in pictures and go fom 0-6.5 inches in 5 secs. It does not mean he loves you less, or finds you boring. I don' t know how you feel about it but maybe you could watch erotic movies together. He would enjoy that and it might be just what you both need to bring the spice back more often. Surprise him one night and dress in something erotic and hit the play button on the dvd...then see what happens. If it is not your style or you find it abhorrent, ask him what he needs. Communicate in bed, role playing etc.
Hope this advice helps my dear.

Reply to Listen
Posted by: Sam | 2010-01-11

Hi
I' m married and I watch porn because my wife does not like to to have sex often. Instead of going out and finding someone to have sex, I use porn. Yes I do masturbate to relief stress and I think this is cheating.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Guy | 2010-01-11

Porn and Love have nothing to do with each other. Porn is sonething men like to explore to improve their sex techniques and abilities, whilst Love is something that men feel for another person. Your wanting to watch porn is normal and does not mean that he does not love you anymore or doesnot find you sexy and attractive. You should think of the two concepts differently and trust in what your man feels for you. Also it does not mean that if he watches porn he is cheating on you or wanting to cheat on you. Men watch porn for various reasons. I think you should explore the reasons with him and find out why he watches porn. Maybe turn this negative view you have into a positive one. You will be surprised you might be taking your relationship to the next level.

Reply to Guy

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