Posted by: Samhunt | 2010-08-05


I have been married to my wife for 18 years, we have always had a pretty good sex life. Our fantasy whilst making love has always revolved around fantasizing about her making love to a previous boyfriend whilst I either participated or watched. A few years ago she got a job where she befriended a male college which she later claimed in our love making sessions that she had an affair with. I found these confession extremely erotic and it used to assist in our love making. In arguments which couples often have she insists that she has never been unfaithful to me, which has confused me as she used to be so detailed about where they would meet for their sessions and what they did, I even discovered a sexual enhancement stimulant in her cupboard one day which she claimed in our aroused state that he had given to her. This has confused me as in one hand when we are aroused she admits to having an affair and when we no longer aroused she has denied it. Does this mean that she has had an affair or is just a very good story teller? Well to cut a long question short my question is why does it seem that I can only get aroused at the thought that my wife has been with someone else... if I dont hold this fantasy strong in my thoughts whilst making love to her I find that I can not ejaculate and lose my erection. Does this mean that I am polyandorous? By the way I am now 39 if that helps answering this question.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

there is a fine line between fantasy and reality and often we get so carried away with our fantasies that we are unable to differentiate between the two. regarding your wife's faithfulness, she is the only one who can answer that question for you and it all depends on the trust that exists between you guys. it is complicated because of the nature of your'ls lovemaking fantasies which is causing you to doubt your wife who is possibly completely innocent but is just trying to satisfy you in bed. irrespective, this has the potential to cause mistrust and problems between the two of u. i would suggest trying an alternate fantasy or at least use characters that are completely fictional. this may be difficult for you to do on your own so your'l might benefit from the expertise of a couples therapist or a sexologist

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Our users say:
Posted by: Samhunt | 2010-08-05

I dont know that she has actually had an affair, it would excite me quite alot if she did. What does seem a bit strange to me is the fact that this person used to be a friend of hers on facebook and since he starting going out with a friend of ours daughter (she is of legal age) my wife deleted him off her facebook. In every other sense my wife seems to have very high morals and frowns on any type of sexually deviant type of behaviour.

Reply to Samhunt
Posted by: understanding | 2010-08-05

I completly know what you mean, my boyfriend cheated on me a couple of months ago and at first it repulsed me so much but now when we are having sex i picture him with this other girl. and it really turns me this normal?? why is it such a turn on? maybe we suffer from low self esteem???

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