Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-17

Pointless Life

Dear Cybershrink,

I think I need some serious help....there are a number of issues on my plate which seem to be causing a ' relapse'  of my depressive state (I was on Cipralex from 2003 until Jan 2009 and weaned off over 3 months and have been date)...

I don' t know how to start, so please bear with me if my thoughts are jumbled...

my first issue at the moment is that I am totally depressed, unmotivated and battling feelings of absolute worthlessness...this could be beacuse I have spent the entire year worrying about. amongst other things, my own business which has suffered from this recession and hence no clients = no income, secondly, the 3 or 4 projects that were lined up for this year were either cancelled or have turned into a nightmare (through no fault of my own). I am stuggling to find a job, I earn nothing and have earned nothing for months now. No matter how many applications I submit, I never hear back (I' m incredibly experienced, if not qualified by studies).

My husband transfers a certain amount of money into my account each month (but just enough to cover household expenses) and as generous as he is and as successful as he is (he keeps telling me to stop worrying about money " we' re fine), I feel absolutely worthless. I feel that all I do is sit in front of my pc each day hoping and worrying....I used to earn a good salary and was very I cannot even afford to buy essentials for myself...

I drag myself out of bed each day knowing I have a long boring day ahead of me...yes, I need to lose about 25kg and I do have a gym membership and my daughter and i have even ' set a goal'  to run a 10km run in October, and I know I should be filling my days with training and fitness and volunteering (which I did until March) and useful tasks (even tho'  we have a full-time housekeeper) but I seem to be so unmotivated, I cannot seem to stick to any one path and I feel lost, lonely, anxious, worried, worthless and that my life is endlessly pointless....this results in me taking my irritation and agrravation out on my husband, which results in days on end of silence between is currently the case...

I honestly don' t know where to start and don' t know how to stay disciplined and seems so much easier to just give up....there' s a lot I should be working on, giving up smoking, educating myself, reading fact (not fiction which I consume for hours on end to ' get away' ), getting fit, losing weight....but I am just so overwhelmed by it all....cannot seem to get started, stay disciplined, have no willpower....I have tried countless self help books and I do fine, keep a journal, follow instructins, get all excited....for at least 2 or 3 days...then nothing...

Please help! Any advice...?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a situation that calls for Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) ! And for re-assesment by your shrink, as it sounds as though the Depression may have returned and needs further treatment ( and CBT should be par of that treatment ). The counsellor could also help you work out a more effective way of dealing with the financial and work-related problems.
Maybe your husband is right that you really don't need to earn money --- why do you feel driven to do so ? An expression of independence ? Or what ? Maybe you could volunteer and lend your excellent experience to some charities / NGOs who really need such asistance. And still be ready to leap on any business opportunities that may turn up on the way. The profound lack of motivation could well be depression-related, so real with the Depression, and set to work on all those other worthwhile activities. The self-help books ultimaely leave it all to you -- a counsellor could help press you towards doing what you undertake to do, and working your way out of the depression

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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