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Question
Posted by: wifeyyyy | 2008/07/17

pls tell me what u guys think?

i have a problem of letting go of the past hurt. I dont know what to do. My husband is a kinda guy that loves grooving and night life with friends, in the process he cheats on me. 2004 we got married then instead of things going rite he started grooving everyweekend girls started calling him and all, he treated me bad as if i was a nuisance to him, i spoke to him about it sometime in 2005, he then promised to change, insted he got a job offer in CT, he asked me if he should take it i told him it is absolutely up to him (the salary offered was the same as the one he was getting) so he just told me he just wanted change of place, so he chose to leave us (me and our son) here in jozi and leave alone in CT, so i let him, he used to come home every weekend or second weekend but when he gets there friday he is tired becos of travelling, saterday he wants to be with friends till early morning sunday then he leaves, (there was no tym for me) then i through his phone i discovered he was cheating on me again, and he was changing them women one i find out, he leaves her and goes for a nu one (this became a vicious circle) then i decided enough was enough i decided to leave him, only to find out then that i am pregnant, so i got confused and stayed, things did not get better, he continued cheating on me and so on....

then February this year he got a job offer back in Jozi and he took it and told me he wants to live with us, we have a 7 month old daughter now, he tells me how blessed he feels to have us, etc etc, but whenever i ask him about his cheating he says he does not want to talk about it and he has never cheated on me and never will (an obvious lie) at the moment there is nothing he is doing that would make me think he is cheating on me, but at the back of my mind i know he has and he will again and i dont know if i want to be there when he does. we love each other dearly and our kids, but i just dont trust him, i cant even if i try, i question everything and that upsets him and he gets very angry.

why does he not want to at least say to me yes i cheated, i cheated because of 123 and i am sorry i promis not to do it again?

that is all i want from him, just those words and when i told him about this he told me that he will never say that cos he never cheated blah blah blah....

now what do i do? i am happy with him in evry department except for the trusting issue, he provides us with everything he can, he is always there for his kids, the only problem we have is trust within us and it is making me miserable, i want to let go of everything tht happened in the past and start afresh but it is just so difficult for me to do that when he still denies everything, i think he denys cos he feels he did nothing wrong, and if that is the cas i am sure he will do it over and over again......... so what do i do with my situation?

sorry for long story.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're describing your husband as a pathetically immature and selfish twit. When such boys "promise" to change, view it as a tactic, not a vow to rely on. He wont stop cheating, and expects you, as you have done so far, to sinply accept it, even though in this age of HIV, it actually threatens your life. You don't have a problem "in the trusting dept" --- you have a habitual cheat as your husband ; to trust him would be wildly abnormal, and to be suspicious is natural and sensible. How can you reasonably and beneficially "let go of the past" when his continuing behaviour makes that past erpetually a present ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/17

Whya do u let your man treat you that way, he is so selfish and immature as CS say, Why do you want to be unhappy in your life????

You cannot change a man' s behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don' t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else' s man.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: wifey | 2008/07/17

CS, so what am i to do with my situation?

Reply to wifey

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