Posted by: Pink | 2009-05-08


My co. is moving to Jhb soon and I am offered a better position should I go. My hubby is not too keen, cos he is in a comfort zone. He earns 3 times more than me and refuses to do much regardding finances. He has always pushed for me to use evry cent I earn and refuse to be fair. We have always had problems in our marriage, I wanted to leave him many times cos of the abuse etc. We have 2 kids. I want to go to Jhb and he can get better as well. Should we go, I will have to take over all of the xpences and he wants none cos he will not get the benefits he is gettin now. I do not see the point cos he keeps his money for himself and gives his money to his working mom. I have tried talking and suggested councelling. If we short, I have to borrow, even if it is for groceries, and I must pay it back.
He does nothing for me or kids financially or emotionally, we dont even have a sex life, once a month is good for him.

My question is if I shud go without him? Pls help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand that your husband would not want to move from his comfort zone, espeially if he is seniro and earning well. But he may, if he wishes, also be able to get a transfer or find a better post, in Joburg, if he tries. I'm not sure what you mean about him not contributing financially, though. If he is abusive, physically or emotionally, it is reasonable to leave such a man if the problem is intractable and he won't work with a suitable expert to solve the problems. Counsellin would surely be the right next move. If he really expects you to carry all the household expenses and those of the children, its both understandable that you'd appreciate the rise, and that you'd gain rather than lose by moving without him. Maybe when he has to bear his own expenses, he may realize more clearly how much you contributed. It sounds as though you want to go without him, and that you could well justify that decision. But we can't make decisions like that for people.
Maybe others will comment helpfully, though possibly not before Monday, when most return to their computers.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-09

I' d just leave if I were you. People get divorced everyday- your kids will get used to it. I come from a divorced home and my parents are happier without each other. Plus you could sue for maintenance so that would help financially. Why are you staying in a loveless marriage? You' re only pleasing your husband by doing things the way he wants them to be done.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Here goes. | 2009-05-09

Considering your history, abuse, lack of sex,finance problems and general unhappiness, why not make a life for yourself and the kids and move to Jhb ? Be sure to get a good whack of maintenance from him (you have enough evidence to secure a divorce) and that will help you get by in Jhb. Its not worth going though what you are experiencing on a daily basis for the rest of your life. Get going girl !!

Reply to Here goes.

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