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Question
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

pls help me..

i' m involved with a guy for 3yrs we have a 2yr old, when we started dating i didnt know that he had 3 more kids with 2 mothers.

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Our expert says:
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So he has lied to you, knowingly for 3 years ? He sounds dishonest and untrustworthy. Do you really find a guy who can behave like this, not caring at all about you, the other women, or any of the kids, to have anything to love ? Isnt it perhaps true that what you love is the guy you imagined he was, rather than the guy he actually is ? Don't stick to a bad man for fear of your friends or family blaming you. If they love you, they will understand that you made a bad choice for good reasons. A counsellor could help you to work through this and make the best choice for yourself and the children. If you decide to move on and leave him, make sure you involve the Maintenance court so he has to pay for the upkeep of his child with you, and the other woman should do the same./ Maybe if he discovers it will cost him money every month to play around and father children around the place, he may think more carefully about what he has been doing

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mpho | 2008/11/17

Desperado

dont bind yourself in chains you will not be able to remove later. i am married to a man i so dearly love but his child out of wedlock comes first to extend that he moved in with us - mind you he has 2 more with different mothers. We have a six year old but the 19yr old is so jealous of their bond to extend he is causing us to break up. Each petty stuff is reported, i have become a minor in my own house. Move-on dear, my family is always telling me that men who think of themselves first at the expense of their marriages are not worth it. He does nothing for me and my son - i am expecting our second child. My family is 200% committed to my wellbeing and that of my children and are offering all the support. My mother is late but between my father and 2 siblings we have build a strong bond over this. My son prefers to spend more time with his grandpa than with my in-laws. My in-laws prefer the other mothers than me and keep in touch always with them. I only get checked on when they have financial needs which i kicked out of my house and now they talk with their son directly. It gets worse after marriage - run, your heart will heal, Your daughter will not think less of you when she is all grown and an independent woman due to your commitment as a mother. I will do anything to protect my children from unloving environments and sibling rivalry which is at times unncessary. If you can live with 3 women controlling your household then stay but my advice is that run - you will meet someone who is honest and loving.

Reply to Mpho
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/17

leave him. your friends and family will always be there for you.

Reply to ?
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

thank you that the end..

Reply to desparado
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

but if i ask him to do the same for our daughter he doesnt want to, he always has excuses.

Reply to desparado
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

if i try talking to him about it he says i' m imagining it there is no such a thing. i dont know what to do cause i really want to be with him and be happy at the same time but i dont see that happening.
now another problem is that if i leave this guy, how do i face all my friends and family cause i chose to alienate them when i got back with this guy cause they told me it was a bad move.
so what do you think i should do?

Reply to desparado
Posted by: deparado | 2008/11/17

and when ever their mothers asks him to take care of them he does it.

Reply to deparado
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

cause he treat his kids better than my daughter,

Reply to desparado
Posted by: deparado | 2008/11/17

but if i stay with him i feel that i will be a stepmother from hell,

Reply to deparado
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

i found out about them after i got pregnant and things started going sour 4 us thats when i found out that he was dating me and the mother of his youngest son. then after i gave birth he came back saying he is sorry and i should give him another chance of wich i did. my problem is that i can not except his kids, at times i feel that he should choose b2n me and his kids though i know that, that is not going to happen, i feel that i can not trust him and me and my daughter we always come 2nd to him, i want to move on but i am scared to do so cause i realy love this guy, his very kind he doesnt push me to do anything and he lets me be me, he is very supportive.

Reply to desparado
Posted by: desparado | 2008/11/17

i' m so sorry to be posting this bit by bit but i keep on getting an error so apperantly this works..

Reply to desparado

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