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Question
Posted by: Anon 123 | 2010/07/24

Pls help!

Dear Cybershrink

I need help. I feel like I’ m going to die! In fact, at this point I want to die! During this last three years I have actually hoped and pray almost everyday that I will just die. I know it might sound pathetic and selfish, but that is how just how I feel.

I was always a good guy. Popular in school, made lots of friends at university ect. I met a girl when I was 21, fell in love. We moved in together a year or so later. I always thought I would spend the rest of my life with her.

I did very well for myself financially. I had a nice house, nice car ect. Then, about two years ago, the business came under some huge stress (due to some very bad decisions on my part) and went under. I lost millions with the business. My girlfriend left a month or so after the “ good life ended”  (We were on the verge of getting engaged). I felt as if my whole life got torn apart. I tried to hold head above water, but in the end I had to sell my house, lost my car and almost everything I had. I had to move in with my parents at the age of 28.

I worked hard this last year to start a new business again. Things are looking good with the new business, there are a lot of potential and we are on the verge of a big deal. The problem is- I can’ t forgive myself for the bad decisions I made! It feels as if my life doesn’ t have anything good in it any more! Even though I should be happy that things are starting to fall in place again, I feel miserable!

I am very unhappy with my life! I am so scared that I will never find anyone to spend my life with (who will ever want to marry someone who had to live with their parents for at age 28). I have such guilty feelings about how I could have let my life spin out of control. I feel like a complete idiot/loser. I cry so much, hating every minute I am alive! My self-esteem has taken a huge knock through all of this.

I don’ t blame anyone but myself for what happened. It’ s really hard to describe this feeling. I feel empty, worthless, scared, angry and I’ m sad all at once. I am so scared that I will never be happy again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're still a good guy, but apparently one who has drawn unfairly negative and gloomy conclusions from some of your experiences in life.

'd recommend that you get seriously involved in CBT-style counselling / therapy to work on testing and usefully revising these assumptions. OK, you had a very sad and challenging set of experiences with a business that succeeded then failed (at a time when many good businesses failed) and a relationship that failed ( apparently the woman was more mercenary than you suspected ).

But it's not fair to conclude that you are a failrue. You just haven't succeeded on a long-term basis YET.

You do need to forgive yourself for having made some bad decisions. The only guy who never makes any bad decisions is the guy who never makes decisions - and that's the worst decision of all. The essence of a great man is NOT that he makes no midtakes but that he learns from them and at least makes NEW mistakes from then on.

It sounds as though you have become depressed, understandably, and Depression is brilliant at making one concentrate on the negative trather than the current and potential positive aspects of life. YOu are describing a typical and unpleasant situation of a good guy with depression. It responds well to medication and CBT-counselling, so you need to get properly assessed, if possible by a shrink, and start treatment to relieve this and get back to the many things you are and will be good at.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Someone | 2010/07/25

I have the highest regard and respect for someone like you. You failed, got up and started again. Good for you! Failure would have been if you did not try again, but you did.
If your ex-girlfriend had the right values and if she really loved you, she would have stood by your side.
You are still young. You will meet someone who values you as the good, honest, hard working man you are.

Please follow CS''s advice and best of luck to you. You should be proud of yourself.

Reply to Someone
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/25

You're still a good guy, but apparently one who has drawn unfairly negative and gloomy conclusions from some of your experiences in life.

'd recommend that you get seriously involved in CBT-style counselling / therapy to work on testing and usefully revising these assumptions. OK, you had a very sad and challenging set of experiences with a business that succeeded then failed (at a time when many good businesses failed) and a relationship that failed ( apparently the woman was more mercenary than you suspected ).

But it's not fair to conclude that you are a failrue. You just haven't succeeded on a long-term basis YET.

You do need to forgive yourself for having made some bad decisions. The only guy who never makes any bad decisions is the guy who never makes decisions - and that's the worst decision of all. The essence of a great man is NOT that he makes no midtakes but that he learns from them and at least makes NEW mistakes from then on.

It sounds as though you have become depressed, understandably, and Depression is brilliant at making one concentrate on the negative trather than the current and potential positive aspects of life. YOu are describing a typical and unpleasant situation of a good guy with depression. It responds well to medication and CBT-counselling, so you need to get properly assessed, if possible by a shrink, and start treatment to relieve this and get back to the many things you are and will be good at.

Reply to cybershrink

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