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Question
Posted by: Candy | 2010/01/27

Pls Help

hope you all well.
I need help please, i'  m currently in my 10th week of pregnacy now and i'  m going crazy with emotions.
I have been through a lot over the past few months, lost my brother in a car accident and still finding it so difficult to deal with his death, have a sister in law who use to be my best friend but due to a huge fight last year things are no longer the same and not so long ago had this massive fight with my sisters husband cause of the way he abuses her, and i'  m angry at her for staying in this abusive relationship. All of this has got me so stressed out and depressed, i haven'  t had one day in the past 2 weeks were i haven'  t cried.
I have tried forgiving and forgetting, but forgetting is so hard when you being personally attacked and having seen this person do this again and again and again.
I just feel like i'  m running out of rope here and even though i have so many people offering a shoulder to cry on, i just cant open up to them and tell them whats going on in my heart. I cant even speak to my husband about it cause he feels like i'  m attacking his sister and feels the need to stand up for her.

i need help please, i can feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression and i know it'  s not good during my pregnancy.
Just feeling so alone, in this world, at least with my brother around i had someone who i could turn to, he would always know what to say or do ......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Candy,
Sorry to hear of all this. Pregnancy, even in the very best of times, is often acompanied by hormonal shifts and turbulent emotions - letg alone after the loss and quarrels you have experienced. Losing your broher will, inevitably, take time to adjust to. While yearning for the loved on we have lost is a natural part of early bereavement, there is a risk that we may neglect real and accessable sources of love and support, because we are stubbornly focussing on the person we want but cannot have.
Ignore the sister - it is a tragic truth that many abused women feel unable to leave their abuser, and others find this so hard to believe. With more sympathy and support she might be encouraged to gradually pluck up the courage to leave, perhaps with the aid of a group like POWA. But though their remaining in an abusive relationship may be terribly frustrating for us, getting into conflict with them and blaiming them, is bad for both of you, and makes her fel more hopeless and dependent on her abuser, not less.
You and your pregnancy must now take precedence. Don't deny yourself the support of a loving husband because you want to continue an unhelpful quarrel with his sister who can be better helped in other ways, once you are well again.
It would also be a good idea for you to arrange to see a good local psychiatrist for assessment, as you may be slipping into a Depression, which will not be best for you or baby, and which deserves very careful specialist assessment, because one would be cautious about using antidepressant meds at this stage. Fortunately, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, CBT, is highly effective for depression and many other problem issues, and is fine during pregnancy

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/27

Dear Candy,
Sorry to hear of all this. Pregnancy, even in the very best of times, is often acompanied by hormonal shifts and turbulent emotions - letg alone after the loss and quarrels you have experienced. Losing your broher will, inevitably, take time to adjust to. While yearning for the loved on we have lost is a natural part of early bereavement, there is a risk that we may neglect real and accessable sources of love and support, because we are stubbornly focussing on the person we want but cannot have.
Ignore the sister - it is a tragic truth that many abused women feel unable to leave their abuser, and others find this so hard to believe. With more sympathy and support she might be encouraged to gradually pluck up the courage to leave, perhaps with the aid of a group like POWA. But though their remaining in an abusive relationship may be terribly frustrating for us, getting into conflict with them and blaiming them, is bad for both of you, and makes her fel more hopeless and dependent on her abuser, not less.
You and your pregnancy must now take precedence. Don't deny yourself the support of a loving husband because you want to continue an unhelpful quarrel with his sister who can be better helped in other ways, once you are well again.
It would also be a good idea for you to arrange to see a good local psychiatrist for assessment, as you may be slipping into a Depression, which will not be best for you or baby, and which deserves very careful specialist assessment, because one would be cautious about using antidepressant meds at this stage. Fortunately, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, CBT, is highly effective for depression and many other problem issues, and is fine during pregnancy

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