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Question
Posted by: emme | 2010-02-03

pls advice

i recently had a problem with my car breaking down and told my boyfriend about it,i was not expecting him to sort it out ,but he immediately offered to sort it out for me and then it was silence! this is the 4th promise to me that he elected not to keep so this time around i snapped and sent him an sms telling him how sick i am of all the empty promises and how i sometimes think he realy does not care,i was really dissapointed because he realy has a tendency of making promises that he does not kep and the thing is im not the pushy type who would follow him around asking when,etc.after the sms that i sent he just decided to be quiet ,when i spoke to him today he said he is sick of me sending rude sms' s ,am i wrong ,is there a woman really out there who would tolerate being with someone that never delivers,maybe im being unreasonable here but i never asked ,he OFFERED ,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I have noticed this pattern seems to be especially common in S.A. People promise to do something, which encourages you not to do it yourself and to wait for them, and then they don't do it. So you're worse off.
Anyhow, if this is a recurrent pattern from him, remember that there's no good reason to expect it to get better rather than worse if the relationship continues. Have you had any chance to do the same to him, and see how he reacts when the tables are turned ?
I like KIm's idea of making the promises specific -""That would be marvellous, but surely you wouldn't have the time to do it ? Which day this week would you be able to start on it ? "

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kim | 2010-02-04

lol! Thanks for the offer.
Well I suppsose it is rather rude.
I have noticed it in many people and thought, well thats just a human thing that people do.
Also another thing is, he says '  Don' t worry, I' l fix your car'  not '  Don' t worry I promise I' l fix your car'  so I guess its not really a promise either.

Bring it up with him and speak about it, if he still doesn' d improve then think about moving on and finding someone who would care enough.

Reply to Kim
Posted by: Andy | 2010-02-03

No Emme, I am not a mechanic but I can fix a car, depending on what the problem is. If it is smaal, I can do it, if it is a major problem, I can suggest someone. Also depends if you are in Pretoria.

Reply to Andy
Posted by: emme | 2010-02-03

Andy are u a mechanic?

Reply to emme
Posted by: Andy | 2010-02-03

I can help both of you fixing your cars (Emme and Kim)

Reply to Andy
Posted by: Maria | 2010-02-03

Why do both of you stick with a guy who can' t keep promises? Men are not all like that. It' s immature and rude.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Kim | 2010-02-03

Eish some guys are just like that I guess.
My bf does the same thing.
I have just come to accept it and not take his promises to heart.
So if it was me, he promised to help I would still make my own arrangements to get it fixed. If in that time he hasnt helped then well that was that and I got my car fixed in anycase. With or without him.

Also another thing you could do if he promises something ask him when, where even time so its like an appointment. When the time comes ask him but still have a plan B.

Maybe its something to do with their personalities I dont know but sometimes it can be a real pain.
He would tell me he is going to pick me up from work, then 10mins before he is supposed to show up he calls to say he cant make it... Well at least I know how to take public transport and have good reliable friends and family too.

He has over time improved because after a while I realized this trend and brought it up and made him realize how much it upstes me. So in 2 yrs there has been much improvement but I also cant expect him to be perfect.

Reply to Kim
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-03

I have noticed this pattern seems to be especially common in S.A. People promise to do something, which encourages you not to do it yourself and to wait for them, and then they don't do it. So you're worse off.
Anyhow, if this is a recurrent pattern from him, remember that there's no good reason to expect it to get better rather than worse if the relationship continues. Have you had any chance to do the same to him, and see how he reacts when the tables are turned ?
I like KIm's idea of making the promises specific -""That would be marvellous, but surely you wouldn't have the time to do it ? Which day this week would you be able to start on it ? "

Reply to cybershrink

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