Posted by: Sad Girl | 2009-01-26

Please tell me I' m over reacting

Dear CS and readers.

I mentioned the other day that I was sick of my lazy boyfriend, and that he was completely complacent when it came to anything and everything in his life. We have since had a talk, where I broke down completely. I sobbed my eyes out asking him to please better himself or I' m leaving. I told him I need someone who cares enough about himself to be with me and someone who doesn' t just give the mediocre because he' s ok with accepting it.

My issue:
He worked the whole weekend, we had 4 hours together yesterday. Before he worked we both agreed to watch a movie together when he returned. He called me to let me know his friend wanted to hook up. He then said he felt guilty for leaving me at home with bronchitis. I told him I wont hold him back and thats a decision he must make. He leaves lastnight on a scooter in the rain after I offered my car but stressed the non negotiable " drink and drive"  policy I have. He declined my offer and took off on his scooter in the rain!!!! He smsed me to tell me he had arrived safely - as I requested - then I dont have a single thing from him from 17h45 - 20h40.

When I phoned to ask how he was doing at 20h40 (cause I wanted to go to bed) he answered me with " yes"  instead of the usual "  hi love how you doing?"  I was quite upset cause I could hear he was quite drunk and very flippant with me. He says he' ll be home - now now. He came home on his bike drunk as a skunk at 22h00. I was worried sick and couldnt sleep until he got home.
I was concerned about him on his scooter. Concerned about his safety, but he couldn' t have been bothered to keep in touch with me through the night. Am I over reacting by being upset with him for being selfish lastnight?? Or should I just tell him that I would have appreciated a little more communication?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its good for you to be concerned about his safety, but the manner of your concern does sound rather stifling. YOu don't mention how he reacted to the session in which you wept, or what he did or did not proise to do about your concerns. If he worked the whole weekend, on genuine work, he is apparently not altogether lacking in ambition or the ability to work hard. Maybe he felt he needed some time off after the extra overtime ? Drinking and driving is never fair, though, to himself or to others he might run into on the road.

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Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2009-01-27

Jy pressure hom die hele tyd, gee hom spasie om asem te haal, jy is nie sy

Reply to J
Posted by: Joy | 2009-01-26

Baby-girl stop wasting your time with a man that is determined to leech on you till his done and you' re totally dried-up! If he cant focus on bettering himself for his own benefit, he definitely wont do it for you. And please get that silly idea out of your head that he' ll commit to you - cause quite simply put, he cant even commit to himself. You are better off without him! In this day and age, if you can do better by yourself, opt for that, instead of taking on a man that only pulls you down and sucks you dry!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: anon2 | 2009-01-26

my hubby used to do exactly that, but not with a schooter, with a superbike - one night in December the police phoned me at 21h30 and said that there had been an accident and that I had to come now. I had to get a babysitter for my kids, get out of bed, and drive of at that time of night all by myself in the rain, only to let the ambulance take him to hospital - got home at 02h40, got into bed and had to get up agian at 05h00 to get the kids of to school and me to work - him sleeping peacefully in his hopital bed with a broken anckle. my point being - NO you are not over reacting. I am married to him and we have kids, so it is a litte more complicated, you are not married - get rid of him asap.

Reply to anon2
Posted by: Stacey | 2009-01-26

You are SO not over reacting.
I would have been HIGHLY upset if I were you, and I wouldn' t let him get off easily.
No girl, you need to do something about this bum of a boyfriend. He does it, coz you allow him to do it.
What if the roles were reversed, he sat at home and YOU went out and got drunk on a scooter. How would he have reacted?
Nope, you need to do something!
He can be really glad he' s not involved with someone like me. I would have locked up the house making sure the idiot couldn' t get into the house, and told him to go back to where he just came from.

Reply to Stacey
Posted by: Anon | 2009-01-26

Tell him to take a hike, Stop waisting your time with him. Imagine being married to someone like that, You will be unhappy for the rest of your life.

Reply to Anon

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