Posted by: Rita | 2008-12-15

please please help me solve this out!!!

Since ever i married hubby there has been a lot of tention between me,sisters inlaw, and mother inlaw. Me and hubby had our ups and downs after our marriage of which he ended up calling both our parents to sit and talk about the problem we had, so since then his family has been treating me badly, even if i went to visit it was not nice being amongst them , the way things happenned, they told me that i want to kill their brother/son they never thought he can marry a wife like me, i am a moody person, and i don' t like to be amongst people sometimes , so these showed the that i don' t like them, after some time i dreaded visiting them but hubby forced me to visit although i told him the way they treat me, he said i should not mind them , it isjust a phase it will pass, so things became worse when i had my first born girl, i was forced against my will to stay with his mother/ mother in law. all the time i was there i felt so down you know being a mother and having an infant is not easy, although they did all the chores in the house for me it was not easy to be there, the way the mother in law talked to me in front of her daughters was not good, coz hubby was at work i found myself blaming him for leaving me with those lions who wanted to eat me up,

So on weekend hubby said he is visiting his parents , i said to him i' m going nowhere near his family after what happened, now i am three months pregnant y hubby wants to annouce it to his mother of which i don' t think of doing it even once, i told myself that i want to stay far from them and they will just see the pregnancy late, i don' t want to even go there after labour coz i exeperienced a lot of humiliation while i was there, my hubby is that homeboy from rural areas he still have that law that says umakoti must be helped by his mother /mother inlaw to raise a child, i told him that things have changed these days and when i tell him he says is because i' m from the city so things are not done as in the city, you know i feel like i should have never married him in the first palce we stay together where he works but i told him that we must have our own house because i cannot stay with his parents, he says it' s beacuse i don' t like them, what kind of man is he. I' m so sorry for this long version it' s just sometimes i really dont'  know what to do, when i tell my parents they say divorce is not good as christians. please help , what do i do?

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Our expert says:
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He must work more on sorting out his famly's unpleasant treatment of you. And he shoul;d not be stupid enough to force you to visit malicious people who treat you badly, let alone to Force you to stay with them. If they can't treat you with respect, they deserve no respect from you nor him. And maybe avoid further pregnancies till this is sorted out. There is absolutely NO law about amakoti, but there are laws demanding respect and proper treatment of people. And a child MUST NEVER EVER be raised by or with a mother-in-law who has unreasonable hatred for the mother, and cannot teach the child about and with love. And while Christianity may not encourage divorce, it does not suggest that a woman must accept misery within marriage.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Viwe# | 2008-12-15

you are the only person who can help you say. I cant say leave or stay the decision is yours, Do you love your husband? can you be able to stay wioth out him.

Iam also married and also mood. Lucky enoungh my husband understand me very well. if he want to go and see his family he goes alone, unless there is a funeral in his family that woulb the only time I go with him I have been married for 18 yrs but there is no communication between me and his family I dont have even their phones numbers. when i saw them I saw strangers. I never have fights with them cause there is no communication. they wont dare come to my house they are so scared of me. even if I went with him for couple of days not more than 3days they dont said a word in front of me they will wait until I' m gonne. I am not a talketive person when they around, we are also from rural areas may be thats why I knoe how to treat them more especaily the cows called sister in law or mother in laws, next time do show them your teeth. dont be grumpy like a child but dont be too talketive

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