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Question
Posted by: mikky | 2010/11/22

Please mediate

Hi All

I need some help, Im hurt and upset at my boyfriend but he keeps telling me his reasons for doing this instead of just apologising. The more he argues with me the more incensed I become, I feel wrongly done by and Im not going to change the way I feel.

We dont live together but have been together for almost 3 years. We have had our ups and downs but have managed to get by. He has been married before and has 2 kids. Im 32 and I dont want to play ''boyfriend and girlfriend'' for all my life, I have dreams of marriage and kids of my own. He knows this and says we are working towards it. He has been very particular about getting over his divorce issues and doing things right this time around, which I respect. But I feel like space and independence and distance is being forced on me.

I dont get along with his Mom for whatever reason. She is very domineering and controlling. This weekend I was at his place for his birthday and I made an effort for his family and I was very nice and kind. Anyway, Saturday morning I was on my way to see friends for the day and I asked if I would be seeing him later and he basically told me no as the tension between myself and his mom was too much to bear (she stays there every 2nd weekend). I got upset because the tension certainly didnt come from me and I know I made an effort and I feel like I was being pushed away for no valid reason.

Anyway, on the way to friends my car broke down. I phoned him, he told me to phone my mechanic which I did. The mechanic took 2 and a half hours to get my car back to town on a tow truck during which bf only called ONCE to find out what was going on. When I got home, I was hot and bothered, stressed out from sitting on the highway in 40 deg heat. And I didnt have a car to get around in. I phoned him when I got home to ask if he was going to help in anyway and I basically got told that it is perfectly ok for me to stay at my place (I stay in a 1 bedroom flat that is all packed up and ready for a move) and that he doesnt want me MOPING around his family.

Im very upset that he doesnt seem to care about my well being and he puts his moms rubbish before how I feel.

Am I being ridiculous. Is it too much to expect that after 3 years I can rely on him to look after me or at least help me out when I need it. I dont ask for much, I earn my own money, live in my own house, drive my own car.

And ps. He lives 5kms away from me. So I ended up spending most of the weekend alone without any transport while he spent it with his family having a good time. Im very cross.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why do you choose to waste your time so unpleasantly with this childish, selfish spoiled brat ? Sounds like he' already married, to his family, leaving very little room for you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Two-stone | 2010/11/22

Mikky - imagine how he is going to be if you ever get married!!! Please get out NOW as this guy is wasting your time and using up the time you could spend finding someone who really cares for you. Of everything he has done, I cannot believe he just left you next to the Highway - i am shocked!!!!!!! Please listen and move on - WITHOUT HIM!

Reply to Two-stone
Posted by: HUH | 2010/11/22

In my opinion, he doesnt appreciate you and should realise that his family wont always be there for him. You should tell him to either appreciate you or bugger off.

Reply to HUH
Posted by: mikky | 2010/11/22

And to add... Im always ready and available to help. Maybe Ive made myself too available and he just takes it for granted, but its just who I am. If he needs something, he doesnt have to ask, I just recognise the need and help if I can. But I dont feel like the favour has been returned. He says he helps me out alot of the time but I feel it counted yesterday. I was stuck on the side of the hi-way. Its not like I needed him to buy me bread and milk!

Reply to mikky
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/22

Why do you choose to waste your time so unpleasantly with this childish, selfish spoiled brat ? Sounds like he' already married, to his family, leaving very little room for you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/22

Why do you choose to waste your time so unpleasantly with this childish, selfish spoiled brat ? Sounds like he' already married, to his family, leaving very little room for you.

Reply to cybershrink

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