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Question
Posted by: No one | 2010/06/10

Please listen

Please help me! I am desperately thinkink of ending it all. I just don''t know how to do it so that it is successful the first time around. I lost all interest in life but knoe this is not the way to end it all. If I knew how I could do this first time around succesfully, I would have done it already.

My daughter has a child with someone she do not see anymore. Since then my daughter start taking drugs deu to influence from her new boyfriend. My grand child resides with her father, my daughter previuos boyfriend.

I am falsly accused of molesting my grand daughter and all contact with her is suspended for over 20 weeks. The Police officer investigating this case clearly admits that the charge against me is a revenge attack as I was the one who took action when the other Grand father did in fact molested the child. The Child clinic produced a report after assesment of the molestation by the other grandfather, stating that the other grandfather did molested her.
When he was to be arrested a false report was produced stating I am the guilty person. This report was used by the Police officer to put the case against the other grandfather on hold and to investigate the case against me and she clearly told me this is a revenge attack. Both casses are now on hold until a re-assesment/investigation is conducted. This is ongoing for 5 months now and all contact between me and my grandchild has been suspended but not between my grand child and the other grand father. I am now the one suffering as the father blame me for the case against his father and keep on saying it is in his childs interest not to let me see her. I am so tired of arguing with my grand childs father to see her, arguing with the child welfare about the fairness that the father''s father, who is the culprit (and this is reflected in the report from the child clinic) still have daily contact with the child. (The father stay with his father where this incidents took place). Please reply vis email

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm listening. But please urgently get proper direct expert help, as you reall need and deserve it. You are so right that you must not end it all.
The sitation you describe sounds complex and murky, and the motivations of most of those involved need to be questioned and examined.
Its not clear who have been making these accusations. Children may do so, but they are also often abused by those motivated to persuade them to make accusations against others.
It sounds as though child welfare is not being consistent or fair in ignoring the original report from the clinic, and in stopping you from having access to the child while allowing the other grandfather, also accused, of having apparently free contact. That isn't justifiable.
You need good legal advice, obviously, and maybe try to see if there's a free law clinic at your nearest law school.
Oh, and I can't respond by e-mail, that isn't how this service works.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: No one | 2010/06/11

Thank you Anon. I am fully aware of the seriousness of the charge and that too bugs me. How sure can one be that the child is not influenced. I also take note of the comment about the police officer. The case against the other grand father was assesed by a specialist child pschologist and that report is the one that the father do not belief. The father produced some other report on the day when his father was to be arrested(appears to be produced by the social worker who is not a child pschologist) stating I am the offender. Based on the 2 conflicting reports the police officer put both casses on hold with the child resides with the father and other grand father. The police officer requested an avvidavit from me and did reffer both casses to the prosecutioner for decision to prosecute or not. I am waiting for this decision.

The child is suppose to see a shrink, a play therapist and that is why according to the social worker I am not allowed to see her as to minimise external influences, however this goes on for 20 weeks now and the other grand father has unlimited contact with the child. Where will one find a Legal aid office?

The social worker say I can see the child under the supervision of the father at the social worker''s offices. I do not want to see the child with him present and because the social worker say the father has temporary custody, he is competent to supervise without any social worker present. Is this the norm? I would love to see the child at the social workers office with the social worker present but not with the father.

Reply to No one
Posted by: Anon | 2010/06/10

Hi. Everybody is someone, remember that.
The child will be placed with her father, biological parent, since her mother is not capable. It is law to have all sexual offences hearings ''in camera''. The social worker assigned to the case would testify for the child. What concerns me is that you do not mention any where in both your replys that the child has seen a ''shrink''.
They have special child pshycologists dealing with exual offences. If this has not been done, you might want to ask the state, that is the prosecutor of the particular court, to investigate and request this. The child will then be evaluated and the truth WILL be told, that I can promise.
The family advocate''s office can unfortunately not help you as that particular office is for parents/children only. You are not a guardian of the child unless so appointed.
Many police officers make statements that they are not qualified for, so please do not pay any attention. Go to your nearest Legal Aid office with your case number, proof of income and id document where they will appoint a laywer for you. Please remember that if they tell you that they cannot help, you have the right to appeal.
You can ask the social worker for supervised visitation and this can be ruled by the court. You do, however, have to realise that you have been charged with a very serious offence and the courts have placed her with her father as they believe that he will protect her. Other than that, I can only say stay strong, it''s a long road.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: XXX | 2010/06/10

Try Legalwise or going to the police,it sounds like you have been hard done by and need real help.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: No one | 2010/06/10

Child advocates meaning " Gesins advokaat"  Don''t know the English?

Reply to No one
Posted by: No one | 2010/06/10

That was why I did contact the SA Council without any success. I really do not know who or where to from here. The child advocates seems to be an organisation just in name because they informed me that they can assit only the biological parents and in the childs interest. They cannot get involved in the " politics of the families" .

So I ask: WHERE TO FROM HERE?

Reply to No one
Posted by: Woman | 2010/06/10

You need to post your question under a new heading, CS doesn''t check replies.

But good luck to you, what an awful situation. I suggest you contact the provincial child welfare to see if any foul play has been under way. Let them investigate the social worker.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: No one | 2010/06/10

Thank you for listening. I did go as far as to approach the SA Council for Child Welfare and they keep reffering me to the social worker at the branch. The unfairness and the single sidedness of the social worker is so visible yet the council say the case needs to be handled at the branch level.

The child mentioned the in-appropriate behaviour of the other grand father to my ex-wife during a visit. My ex-wife told me and I reported the case to the child welfare. The child welfare reffer the child to the child clinic for assesment. During thie assesment period the child stayed with me and my current wife. After this assesment in spite of the report produced by the child clinic, the welfare still recommend to the child commisioner that the child is to be placed with the father. This placement was done in a closed court (In camera???)

There is a court order stating that the child may visit me once a month and also my ex-wife once a month. Visit to me is suspende and although it is on unjust reason I can understand that , yet visit to my ex-wife is also suspended with the excuse " To minimise external influence"  It is all a lot of non-sense. Many people, even my legal rep at work asked me if the social worker has not been bribed.

I had to get a Lawer who cost me a lot of money to draft an avvidavit for the police case and even he said this is unfair. The police lady said the case will be thrown out of court for both grand fathers for the reason that the child stay with the father at his fathers place, as it will be seen as tampering of the witness and thus the child will be confussed. The child turns 4 next week, so she is still small and manipulation can easily be made.

All the red tape to go through lawyers and advocates and the cost for a court case is too much for me. I have no trust in the social system, and the whole of the society as far as fairness and justice is concerned.

I am frustrated and really think there is only one way out, but know it is not the best way.

Reply to No one
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/10

I'm listening. But please urgently get proper direct expert help, as you reall need and deserve it. You are so right that you must not end it all.
The sitation you describe sounds complex and murky, and the motivations of most of those involved need to be questioned and examined.
Its not clear who have been making these accusations. Children may do so, but they are also often abused by those motivated to persuade them to make accusations against others.
It sounds as though child welfare is not being consistent or fair in ignoring the original report from the clinic, and in stopping you from having access to the child while allowing the other grandfather, also accused, of having apparently free contact. That isn't justifiable.
You need good legal advice, obviously, and maybe try to see if there's a free law clinic at your nearest law school.
Oh, and I can't respond by e-mail, that isn't how this service works.

Reply to cybershrink

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