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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2010/01/21

please help soonest, thanks

Hi Doc, My husband of 60 has had an affair 10 years ago. It ended when I found out about it and was dealt with. My husband is diabetic and we are not sexually active as neither one of us has that desire any longer. I found the following email by chance and my feelings are that it is not an affair, but what is this all about. Can you possibly read between the lines and let me know. He previously told me when I asked who she was (on his email) that she is a lesbian. My husband has always loved wearing ladies undies which disgusts me. Our sexual doings were never great  in fact he used to sometimes lie behind me and come, without entering me. For years I felt that perhaps he has gay feelings but will not acknowledge it as it would turn his life totally upside down if people found out. Please let me know what you think:

QUOTE> >  It is well past midnight and I can' t sleep. My dreams are so repetitive they make me think they are perhaps subliminal messages. But I can only speculate. But I am getting tired. I don' t fear the dark but I fear the vultures  the unknown. Now I' m listening to a song by Sarah McGlaughlin and it soothes me so much I want you to share it with me. " In the arms of an angel" . I dream of asking a girl from my past, I think, to play " Whiter shade of Pale"  when I leave (I don' t know where to), and then walk into the distance mist. Is it a premonition? But strangely I am not scared. Often in my dreams I cry passionately and tell my mom I don' t want to live anymore. But it is not precisely correct, but I feel the distance calling me into a bright mist. I leaves me strangely happy but also a little sad. As I said I have no fear, only expectation but even saying so now I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. You and I have built a bond of closeness I was astonished about. So different, yet so alike. Two souls seeking only a higher truth and the harmony of soft sounds of music that tells of peace. I cannot say more as my heart is full but I know you can sense what I say and experience. My yin and yang are in full harmony, and you know what I am saying. My two sides find total harmony and I am so pleased it has nothing to do with sexuality. My softer side tells me it' s okay  my male side says I understand. And I am comfortable.
Please share the attached song of Sarah with me and remember me when you hear it. The rise to Nirvana, or heaven is accomplished when you have realised the ultimate Truth and find comfort therein.

HER NAME, I love you for being a soulmate. I love you for understanding me  I love you despite our differences, but on a plane not everyone could understand.

I hope I make sense. Maybe. I think. < < UNQUOTE> > 

And the love part??? Doc please help. I' m going out of my mind. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Just about to have to shut down as a electrical storm approaches, but here's the "soonest" I can manage.
Sex is a complex and at times confusing field, is it not. With age and especally diabetes ( which increases the risk of impotence, complete or partial, ) people do often feel less interested in sexual activity - but may remain theoretically interested in it.
On the issue of cross-dressing, it's much more common than people think or expect, and in men usually in otherwise ordinary heterosexual men. Suerprisingly to many, its usually NOT related to homosexuality as such.
As for the mesage, obviously only he MIGht be able to explain it to you, and ven he might not manage it. He does seem to be talking about affection, a sort of cerebral sense of "love" that isnt sexual. Iid be more worried about the sense of depression and almos of suicidal thoughts the message conveys, with all that not being afraid to walk into the mist.
Tactfully, it would be wise to persuade him to see a psychiatrist or at least a good local GP to assess the possibility that he is growing significantly depressed, and would benefit from proper treatment of it

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/21

Just about to have to shut down as a electrical storm approaches, but here's the "soonest" I can manage.
Sex is a complex and at times confusing field, is it not. With age and especally diabetes ( which increases the risk of impotence, complete or partial, ) people do often feel less interested in sexual activity - but may remain theoretically interested in it.
On the issue of cross-dressing, it's much more common than people think or expect, and in men usually in otherwise ordinary heterosexual men. Suerprisingly to many, its usually NOT related to homosexuality as such.
As for the mesage, obviously only he MIGht be able to explain it to you, and ven he might not manage it. He does seem to be talking about affection, a sort of cerebral sense of "love" that isnt sexual. Iid be more worried about the sense of depression and almos of suicidal thoughts the message conveys, with all that not being afraid to walk into the mist.
Tactfully, it would be wise to persuade him to see a psychiatrist or at least a good local GP to assess the possibility that he is growing significantly depressed, and would benefit from proper treatment of it

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