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Question
Posted by: Confused and Hurt | 2009/02/12

Please help me decide ...

To cut a long story short . The following has happened . I started dating my bf at a young age 17 . He was the first guy I slept with . At one stage in our rel [ after about three years of dating ] I felt he wasnt attracted to me as he never wanted sex etc . He denied my accusations . After about 2 years from that time mentioned previously I found out he had in fact cheated on me . I forgave him . Recently , I found letters he wrote to me [ depsite no intention on giving them to me ] about how I am not hot enough for him and he isnt sexually attracted to me . After confronting him - he says that the letters were written during the time he cheated [ referred to above ] and that he was not in a good place at that time..he felt trapped etc . However , I still wonder ..could he be lying . He still never initiates sex and depsite this sounding odd.... it feels that he doesnt "  want me "  sexually.. I am so confused as I love him dearly ... but am I merely setting myself up for more hurt ...should we take a break . dating a man for 8 years is a long time,,,

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Our expert says:
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you need to open up an honest discussion of what is going on - The relationship is clearly stressful for both of you and it is likely to get worse if you do not talk about it - if it results in a breakup then at least you will both know the real reasons for it

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/26

hey guys
i went through this post and saw my own situation, its easy for everyone to say ' leave him, hes just gona hurt you more'  or whatever, but like one said above, its difficult, you not sure if you actually love this person, or if you to scared of leaving and being alone.
i really dont want to carry on with it, and i know it would be better to move on, but i dont know why i cant just do that! i am scared i make a mistake, but after 5 years of living together, its hard...

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: cally | 2009/02/13

Dear confused,
I' m in the same boat... I' m so in love with my man, but he' s cheated on me with different girls, has really messed me around in terrible ways... I' m not even sure I really really do love him, or if I' m just afraid of leaving...
Ask yourself this: Why bother? If he doesn' t want to be with you, then LEAVE!!! He' s obviously not worthy of you if he can' t be faithful. When you' ve left, he' ll realise what a fool he is... but be strong and don' t look back. There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you like the precious goddess that you are.
Damn... now I should follow my own advice...

Reply to cally
Posted by: Confused | 2009/02/12

Thanks for all the advice . I know what needs to be done ...but it is extremely diffucult as we are so close in other aspects of our relationship . But me feeling worthless is ridiculous . I am a women who is considered beautiful [ I am not blowing my own horn but I have been complimented my whole life ] so to date a guy who makes me feel like this is shockin ... Hey maybe he is gay ? I dont know ...

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Mike | 2009/02/12

I am a man as well, and believe me this man will only cause you more hurt in the future. Leave him before it is too late. Get some one that adores you for who you are and finds you sexy and attractive no matter how you look! This is only my opnion, but in 10 years time this could happen and then there may be 2 kids involved. Good luck.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Phoroza | 2009/02/12

HI
i think you must just leave him u have been together for 8yrs with no commitment and he has cheated on u.i know this is hard because you love him but he is taking advantage of you,sista i think its time to get a new man.

i hope im not being too hard!!!!!!

Reply to Phoroza
Posted by: Phoroza | 2009/02/12

HI
i think you must just leave him u have been together for 8yrs with no commitment and he has cheated on u.i know this is hard because you love him but he is taking advantage of you,sista i think its time to get a new man.

i hope im not being too hard!!!!!!

Reply to Phoroza
Posted by: Zul' man | 2009/02/12

Like it or not some men will never tell someone that they do not love them anymore. So, actions speak louder in your situation. He is in fashion of hot ladies (description of hot?) what ever you call it.

There is very little you can do about him. Find someone who can appreciate who you are and move on with life.

Do not stick your love for him with words like " dearly" , those are just words. Words without action is = to nothing at the end.

Find a behaviour that makes you love him, tc, intimate, jovial etc. The behaviour that you mentioned above is not what you are looking for in him. The question is, do you thing you can change his behaviour?. If not, what makes you stick your nose in a rose full of thorns?

Reply to Zul&#39 man

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