Our expert says:
If you have had a prior experience of rape, reactions to that might indeed be part of what unhelpfully shaped aspects of your life ( indeed, some of your reactions might also have been helpful ). It's not an issue of "blaming the rapes" but of recognizing that modifying how one construes and responds to them and maybe other aspects of your history, could free you to being more successful in life, materially and emotionally.
Depression is a powerful amplifier of pains of all sorts, and may need to be dealt with if present. Sounds like you need to see a good shrin k for a thorough assessment, after which you can then usefully discuss treatment options and make a good choice there
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