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Question
Posted by: Karin | 2010/06/22

Please help me

Where to begin? I have 1 messed up life, Im divorced for a year after an 18 year marriage, I had a hubby that was faithful but could not fullfill his duties as a husband and father. Me on the other hand had the top paying job and go-getter, I put a roof over our head, I put the kids through school etc etc. To me he was another mouth to feed. In saying this, I also know that no where in the world would I find someone that loved me the way he does, I don''t want him back as I am seeing someone for the past 6 months now. The thing is I was the problem in our marriage, I cheated on him, it was like I can''t say no if someone came on to me, I feel like a dog afterwards but then the deed is done. My ex seemed to think it was the fact that I was a rape victim, I don''t wanna blame the rapes but I honestly don''t know what''s wrong with me. For the past 2 years ive also been getting terrible chest pains and sometimes its in my back as well. I ended up in hospital once and the doc said it was depression. I don''t know anymore, I feel as if I don''t have a purpose and my life has no meaning :-(

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you have had a prior experience of rape, reactions to that might indeed be part of what unhelpfully shaped aspects of your life ( indeed, some of your reactions might also have been helpful ). It's not an issue of "blaming the rapes" but of recognizing that modifying how one construes and responds to them and maybe other aspects of your history, could free you to being more successful in life, materially and emotionally.
Depression is a powerful amplifier of pains of all sorts, and may need to be dealt with if present. Sounds like you need to see a good shrin k for a thorough assessment, after which you can then usefully discuss treatment options and make a good choice there

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Karin | 2010/06/22

Hi Anon, no, I don''t but I am looking and the rates are alarming. But if it means I need to fork out that amount of cash for my sanity, I will do just that. Thanks for your concern :-)

Reply to Karin
Posted by: anon | 2010/06/22

do you have a way of getting hold of a reputable psychiatrist?
dont give up if your first shrink isnt working for you, sometimes it''s trail and error.

really, i was exactly there, where i had no belief whatsoever that i could feel better. these days i have hope (im at the beginning of my treament)

Reply to anon
Posted by: Karin | 2010/06/22

Thanks everyone.....this is really so unreal for me, people actually care. Thanks

Reply to Karin
Posted by: Anonymous | 2010/06/22

HI Karin

I think you are brave that you are going to see a psychiatrist to try &  sort these issues out. You shouldn''t be upset that you need the help of a shrink! If you had any other illness, you would see a specialist to treat it - be it a neurologist for nerve pain, a cardiologist of you had a heart problem, etc. Yoiu have something going on with your brain and your neurotransmitters - depression really iS an illness and you can''t help having it anymore than you could help it if you were ill with flu! So, you see an expert who deals with the brain &  neurotransmitters &  mental illness.

DOn''t be embarassed: be proud that you have the strength to recognise and accept that you need help from a specialist with a real, diagnosable medical condition.
Good luck!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Karin | 2010/06/22

Thanks for the reponse, I will try and find a shrink in Cape Town. Never in my life would I have imagined that I needed psychiatric help, Ive always thought of myself as being in control. This brings tears to my eyes and I can''t control the crying.

Reply to Karin
Posted by: anon | 2010/06/22

hi karin - i think your doc is right. depression and also anxiety by the sounds of it. make an appointment with a good psychiatrist. you definitely have some serious things to work through - all the best.

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/22

If you have had a prior experience of rape, reactions to that might indeed be part of what unhelpfully shaped aspects of your life ( indeed, some of your reactions might also have been helpful ). It's not an issue of "blaming the rapes" but of recognizing that modifying how one construes and responds to them and maybe other aspects of your history, could free you to being more successful in life, materially and emotionally.
Depression is a powerful amplifier of pains of all sorts, and may need to be dealt with if present. Sounds like you need to see a good shrin k for a thorough assessment, after which you can then usefully discuss treatment options and make a good choice there

Reply to cybershrink

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