Posted by: pini | 2009-03-04


IM 25 YEARS OLD.I LOST MOM IN DEC LAST YEAR BUT I HARDLY CRIED.SHE USED TO TOUCH ME INAPPROPRIATELY when i was young yet i was to ashamed to tell anybody.Now that she is gone im left with so much anger and resentment towards her.We never used to get along and she reall mistreated me before her death.Ihave a very kind and loving man in my life.He is so sweet and understanding.I know that he loves me but i feell like trash. I feel stupid and unworthy.He has introduced me to his family &  has told me of his plans to marry me.He has even bonded withe my daughter.
The thorn in my side is the fact that his ex is going to have his baby(he opnly found out afterwards.This girl is decieving her husband into thinking the baby is his.i havent met her but i really hate her.i screemed at her over the phone when i found out that she was smsing my man and telling him how guilty she felt about lying to her husband.Ihate the fact that she is having his baby while im struggling to conceive.My partner says that we just need to be patient and keep on trying.I Wish she could just have a miscarrage so we could go on with our lives.
I have been feeling so tired lately.Istay up until the early hours of the morning tossing and turning all night.sometimess my heart races for no reason and i feel like im goimg to pass out.
I wish i could kill myself byt i cant because my daughter will suffer.
Or maybe i should kill us both.
I even talk to myself sometimes then i worry if somebody heard me
or if its all in my head.My memory is terrable i forget the simplest instructions &  my stomache is always uncomfortable &  bloated.

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