Our expert says:
Obviously, it was not wise for you to have had realistic doubts, but to have married him without revealing and discussing these with him. Its good for a father to wan to see his child --- but there's no reason why this should involve over-night stays with the child's mother, when the man is married to someone else.
It sounds odd that she has several times refused to allow him to see the child, and then changed her mind again --- what's this about ? Are thy both using the poor child to manipulate each other, and as an excuse, rather than genuinely caring about the child's needs, which is all that is actually important. Its hard to see his inconsistent behaviour and only occasional interest in the kids, as genuien or good for them.
And the final straw is --- if he is a drunkard or alcoholic who is exposing the kids to his dryg use, he is not a fit father. Period. Indeed, by enabling him to do this, even your own mothering skills will be called into question.
See a personal counsellor to work out what will be best for the kids and yourself, and maybe then a lawyer to work out the best way to achieve this
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