Posted by: Moron | 2009-06-29

Please help if you can

Hi to all, okay i dont mean to waste anyones time i just need a little bit of help or advise if possible, i was married for 2 years to a man that i had been dating for 5 years only to find out that he had been cheating all through our relationship we got divorced 2 years ago as i found out the latest " sexual partner'  was a friend of mine and i just couldnt carry on anymore, he was a very abusive person (so yes i have no one to blame for being in a realtionship like that) he and my friend are still currently dating and i saw the both of them over the weekend as they live in the same area as myself, it crushed me its been 2 years now and i am still no over him when i see them together im an emotional wreck all over again, what can i do to just stop caring about him, i thought of moving but i dont want to run away from my life because of them, i have never been unfaithfull to him even after the 2 years of diviorce i have still not been unfaithfull i just cant bring myself to being with another man. I unfortunatly took my marrage vows (sorry for spelling) very seriously, ag i dont know if im looking for advise or just someone to talk to i feel like such a fool for so many reasons that i dont even know where to start.

I do have a problem of self mutilation which i though about after i saw them i just dont know how to escape these feelings anymore.

Thanks anyway to those that do post and that those that just allowed me to share.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you have nobody outside of the relationship to blame for having become trapped for a time with an abuser, but the abuser is very much to blame for what happened. See a personal counsellor to help you get over him and recover and boost your well-earned self-esteem, an feel sorry for your so-called friend that she may be landed with an abusive loser.
Since the divorce, nothing you do, in any other relationship, would be unfaithful to him, and you owe him absolutely no duty or "faithfulness" whatever. You are not a fool, but have been brain-washed by an abuser into blaming yourself for the nasty things HE did. Don't move away --- geography won't solve this. Seeing a good pratical counsellor, preferably of the CBT sort, will help you to move away, from him, psychologically rather than geographicaly. You can soon become free to ignore them, wherever they are, and free to resume a much better life for yourself. You will be able to give up the counselling, as you have no need to punish yourself. If there is absolutely no facility for counselling wherever it is you live ( and most places should have a shrink and/or counsellor, then a move might be justified to somewhere which ould provide such facilities, but it would be good for you to be able to retain your job. Is there any chance of a ransfer within that contract, to somewhere which DOEs have counselors ? Call FAMSA and check out theavailability of counsellors within reach of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Moron - To All | 2009-06-29

Thank you so very much for your posts, and especially you thank you cybershrink, yah all the advise that has been posted has duely been noted and much appriciated, as per the first post i have started looking at ways to do a ' mini makeover"  cant loose anymore weight right now but diff going to get a new hair cut, but to be honest like Cybers says i need to fix the inside first wish i could find someone to help with this but unfortunatly living in the " Bush"  doesnt help at all, must make a plan though to try get to a place, as for jones post, yah i have tried i just have so many confusing emotions inside one miniute i hate him for doing this to me the other i miss him and try wish things had been different and that he would have changed.... thank you all so very much you all have filled my day today thank you!!!!

Much Love to you all

Reply to Moron - To All
Posted by: jones | 2009-06-29

If each time that you saw him , you were to think about the worst things about him , i doubt you would still feel the way you do. Try to think about the negatives about him , they will push you away until you forget about him and move on.
Your ex will do you a big favour coz what goes around comes around, she will find herself in a position exactly the same as yours.

Reply to jones
Posted by: moron - hope | 2009-06-29

Thank you so much hun for you post yah you know it freeken crushes you, wish i had a magic wand and swish swash poof i make the both of them dissapear.

Thanks again
Much love M

Reply to moron - hope
Posted by: Hope* | 2009-06-29

(((Hugs)))) Moron. Its just that seeing him and her again has triggered the feelings of betrayal and heartache. Moving away is not going to help. You do need someone to talk to. Its does help to see a shrink, somehow, dont ask me how, but they manage to help you sort your thinking patterns out. I hope you will be feeling a little better soon. Lv Hope*

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: moron - bozo | 2009-06-29

Thank you for the post it really means alot to me, yah you see this stupid town i live in doesnt have those kind of places for one to seek councling you right he is a serial cheater and so i she therefore i think they make the perfect couple both cut from same cloth if you know what i mean.... i love this the more i chat the more i build up in hatered towards them hopefully so much so i can move on again till i see them again.

Thank you once again for your post

Reply to moron - bozo
Posted by: bozo | 2009-06-29

why dont you investigate counselling maybe it will help, especially with the mutiliation.

You will see eventually that you will overcome this, and if your ex is a serial cheater then he will probably cheat on your ex friend anyway...what goes around comes around.

Reply to bozo
Posted by: moron - reply to 007boer | 2009-06-29

thank you so much for your responce, i wish it was that easy you see i moved out of the town we were currently living in, then he and she both decided to follow me to where im currently staying and in that period before they moved i signed a 3 year contract with my work, so its very difficult for me to leave living like a hermit at the moment dont want to leave my house as i am scared to walk into them might just do something to her.... extreemly unstable at the moment and have loads of anger towards her, must take my hat off to her though she befriended me to get into my husbands pants pick up on all the areas where i was making mistakes and became the shining ...... shure you can connet the dots of what im trying to say....

Thank you again for your post nice to know someone actually reads these things.

Reply to moron - reply to 007boer
Posted by: 007Boer | 2009-06-29

This is a tough situation to be in and one of my one liners isn' t going to fix it. Maybe moving away is better for you in this situation. I guess your pain is rekindled because seeing him with one of your (ex) friends brings back memories of two simultaneous heartaches. Go live somewhere else, preferably a slightly more upmarket suburb, even if you have to scale down to a bachelor flat for now. Get a haircut, lose five k' s and try to make new friends in a different social sphere. The only way I see that you can start healing is if you can be in a NET improved condition, ergo you should be a better catch now than you were before you got married.

Keep the chin up and stop cutting yourself.

Reply to 007Boer

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