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Question
Posted by: Please help? | 2012/03/08

Please help?

Dear doc, Please can you help me with a question?

Please can you help with signs of manipulation, emotional blackmail and verbal abuse between adult siblings? How do you know when you have a toxic sibling (s)? How does one handle one or more (who ''gang-up'' ) against a sibling? When is it okay to draw the line and say, enough is enough and to then cut contact. Do you HAVE to forgive (again and again and again?). When is it ok to be called names, sworn at and emotionally broken down? (i.e because you don''t forgive X for doing Y, I will blame you if our parent dies from the stress you put him/ her under)

Please doc, I am broken and I don''t want to be broken anymore! Do siblings have to be in your life and do they have the right to say horrible, poisonous thing about you because they''re family?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You seem to be expecting something more concrete and specific than is possible. If there is indeed manipulation, etc, among adult siblings, surely you know it ? If its toxic, it is so because that's how you experience it.
If your siblings cause you grief and distress, then you don't have to have any contact with them at all. And there is no reason whatever why you should feel you have to "forgive" them - I wish there were criminal penalties against people who insist other people must "forgive".
These people have no power over you and your feelings except for what you choose to give them, and if you choose not to allow them to be important to you, and not to accept their invitations to be hurt, they have no such power.
A counsellor may be able to help you achieve this

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/08

You seem to be expecting something more concrete and specific than is possible. If there is indeed manipulation, etc, among adult siblings, surely you know it ? If its toxic, it is so because that's how you experience it.
If your siblings cause you grief and distress, then you don't have to have any contact with them at all. And there is no reason whatever why you should feel you have to "forgive" them - I wish there were criminal penalties against people who insist other people must "forgive".
These people have no power over you and your feelings except for what you choose to give them, and if you choose not to allow them to be important to you, and not to accept their invitations to be hurt, they have no such power.
A counsellor may be able to help you achieve this

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