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Question
Posted by: emma | 2011-07-18

please help !

hi doc
i met a man who is going through a divorce i have know him for about 5 years and about 2 months ago we starting chatting and met for coffee he is going through a divorce as his wife cheated on him four times, now she has found out abt me and is threatening suicide she told the kids their father doesnt want to come back to them because he has a girlfriend, she acts crazy when he turns his cell off but he does it because she is so abusive, i really dont know what to do we friends at this present time but i feel it could develop into something... can she stop the divorce as she is now saying someone told her him and i were an item before she moved out which is totally untrue. she even has the kids in a state they have been crying but he told me he wont go back to her no matter what but it seems he cant be firm enough with her which is why she is walking all over him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The woman he is divorcing sounds irresponsible and unstable and in ned of counselling. She may indeed not be a fit person to fully and safely care for the children, but of course it's hard for anyone to tell without a direct personal assessment.
This is a DIVORCE, and she is in denial if she expects that her husban will want to return to her, or that he is not allowed to have friends, male or female, who may sympathise.
I don't think she can stop the divorce by changing her story - and if she claims you and he were an item earlier, that hardly makes a convincin argument for them to stay together ! But he needs proper legal advice on such points.
He would be wise to have some of her unpleasantness witnessed, and to find a way to record her ugly calls or messages.
Maybe he tells you, maybe correctly, that he doesn't intend to go back, but it doesn't sound as though he has convinced her of that. so far.
If he has any reason to fear for the safety of the kids, he should involve child welfare and have the situation and her stability, assessed

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: EMMA | 2011-07-18

Thanks doc very sound advice. much appreaciated.

Reply to EMMA
Posted by: emma | 2011-07-18

thanks everyone for your advice and you right distance could be the right move at this point, yes i was there when she phoned and heard her telling her son daddy has a girlfriend, i have told him to seek legal advice just as to know where he stands.

Reply to emma
Posted by: Romany | 2011-07-18

Hi emma

Do you know all these things first hand or is this what your married boyfriend is telling you?
Do you know for surethat she had an afair? Or are you taking her husband''s word for it?
Dd the kids tell you that she is telling them about you? Or des this too come from him?
You need to think carefully about this. As it has been said on this forum many times:
1. The wife and kids always win
2. If you are seeing a married man YOU are in the wrong
3. Married men will tell you lies to get what they want.
Maybe it will be best to distance yourself from this situation until such time as the divorce is 100% finalised and then see him again?
It is unfair of us to judge the wife in this instance as we really do not know her side of the story here.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Kathryn | 2011-07-18

This woman is insecure, she needs help, she is also causing issues discussing her problems with the children, she cant stop the divorce, maybe your friend should involve the social workers if I was him I would fight for custody those children are not safe with her, she might try something with them, please get help fast, never ignore a suicidal person, they normally do this to look for attention, please keep the site updated !

Reply to Kathryn
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-18

The woman he is divorcing sounds irresponsible and unstable and in ned of counselling. She may indeed not be a fit person to fully and safely care for the children, but of course it's hard for anyone to tell without a direct personal assessment.
This is a DIVORCE, and she is in denial if she expects that her husban will want to return to her, or that he is not allowed to have friends, male or female, who may sympathise.
I don't think she can stop the divorce by changing her story - and if she claims you and he were an item earlier, that hardly makes a convincin argument for them to stay together ! But he needs proper legal advice on such points.
He would be wise to have some of her unpleasantness witnessed, and to find a way to record her ugly calls or messages.
Maybe he tells you, maybe correctly, that he doesn't intend to go back, but it doesn't sound as though he has convinced her of that. so far.
If he has any reason to fear for the safety of the kids, he should involve child welfare and have the situation and her stability, assessed

Reply to cybershrink

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