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Posted by: Heartbroken | 2011-04-19

Please help

Married to wonderful husband for 19yrs. Both 41. Recently found a few emails from my husband to a female colleague. Although I can see that there was no relationship or sex. He says it was only chatting. He also said it was only 2 weeks. My problem is he said so many wonderful, beautiful and suggestive things to this woman. That is so totally out of his nature. Things I have longed with all my heart to hear from him, but never did. I saw a pic of how she looks. I wake up every night crying! I just can not seem to come to terms with it! Im not going to leave my husband. I love him very much. I just know that I can never trust him again! I can''t stop crying, I have this terrible pain in me! Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The pair of you really need to get into proper expert marriage counselling to sort this out. His external dalliance was, fortunately limited on his side and apparently also on the other, might be less serious than it looks at first, or more serious - in counselling it can be explored and its implications better understood by both of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Also there | 2011-04-20

While reading your story it was as if I wrote it! Only difference is that we have been married for 30 year, (35 years since we started dating) He is 53 and the PA 25. Three weeks ago I also found the mails, and SMS messages, but it was going on for a couple of months. He wants me to forget about it - keeps on telling me that it is over, but I find proof that it is not. I can also say he says things to her that he never said to me in 35 years. I am broken, broken. Can''t eat, can''t sleep and can not share with my family and friends. He agreed to go with me for councilling, but I am so scared,..... so scared that he says he doesn''t want me anymore. I simp ly can not think what hell my life would be without him. We never fight, never get upset with one another because I thought we understood one another. Clearly not!

Please let me know what happens with you as I need to know I am not alone. I will post you a message on my return from councilling which is tomorrow at 10h00.

Reply to Also there
Posted by: non | 2011-04-19

Oh my heart goes out to you!
I wonder what he would feel like if the tables were turned?
You know what? Don''t rely on him for reassurance, give yourself that reassurance (he clearly isn''t going to anyway) and say to yourself and know in yourself that you are beautiful and thoroughly worth every compliment.
Too bad for him if he doesn''t see it, but don''t you forget it.
I feel sorry for him for not seeing what he has right in front of him.

Reply to non
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011-04-19

Hi Heartbroken. I so do understand what you are going through at the moment!! You still love him very much but does he love you? If you both love each other you will get past this and you will trust again.....love will help you but if there is no love involved Iam afraid it is going to take a lot of time and effort to try and fix your relationship!!

I have been there and am afraid I am still there after nearly three years!!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-04-19

The pair of you really need to get into proper expert marriage counselling to sort this out. His external dalliance was, fortunately limited on his side and apparently also on the other, might be less serious than it looks at first, or more serious - in counselling it can be explored and its implications better understood by both of you

Reply to cybershrink

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